Saturday, January 31, 2009

Perhaps There Was An Age Where Men Dreamed of the Possibilities of Outer Space

Everyone wants to talk about the all star game selections, it seems, with one of several stories being that the Magic got too many players in the game, that Mo Williams and Al Jefferson were huge snubs, and what the hell is David West doing there. All valid questions and concerns, I suppose, though the whole debate of who should or shouldn't be an all star seems ridiculous in a world where Allen Iverson is going to start in said all star game seems at best silly and at worst a complete waste of time.

It seems ludicrous to me that people would put serious stock in all star game appearances when the starters are voted in by fans, and the average basketball fan is only as knowledgeable as the various things shouted at them on 8am Sportscenter once a week. That's why Allen Iverson gets voted in over Devin Harris and Joe Johnson: people don't know any better. And if we're going to continue to have that kind of popularity contest once a year at the season's midpoint, why give it any kind of merit in terms of player v. player comparisons? It's not like the all star game itself has any integrity to begin with.

For all of the NBA and the media's constant harping on the "defense wins championships" motto, like a 64 year old hooker in Vegas who's still turning tricks because, well damn, it's all she knows how to do, they still make a big deal once day a year out of a game that promotes the idea that if you act "big" enough, you'll never have to defend in your career. I have no problem with an exhibition game where players show off their athleticism, and attempt to pull off overly elaborate superstar plays. That's fine. But if that's what you're going to do, do it. I guarantee that Rudy Gay could come up with much flashier plays than Tim Duncan, and if you're going to present the all star game as an exhibition of Sportscenter highlights, don't pretend the game itself has value.

After all, it's not like anyone thinks the winner of the allstar game is the best conference anyway.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Events Center update and other randomness

  • First, tonight is Meet the Magic for season ticket holders at Disney's Animal Kingdom from 7 to 9 PM.
  • J.A. Adande had some thoughts about the Magic during his ESPN chat:
Josh (Cleveland): First, I'll give credit where credit is due - nice win for Orlando last night. That said, I realized last night that the Magic's formula is better suited to win March Madness than the NBA Championship: they roll with four 3-point shooters and a center. I just don't see that winning a 7 game series against the Cavs or Celtics, do you?
J.A. Adande: (3:14 PM ET ) Until they prove otherwise, I think the Magic's set up to win games, not series
Click to enlarge

Fridays Puns

Lets take a look around the interwebs and see what the web is saying about the Magic victory over the Cavs, and the All-Star berths of Jameer Nelson and Rashard Lewis.

"Magic Moments" is on the front page of Really ESPN? We're now using Drifters songs to describe our wins?

"NBA's Orlando work Magic against Cavaliers" is a headline found on Yahoo! Sports "More News" section. We haven't heard that one before.

And "
It's Magic Again in Orlando, Just Like 1995", is the title of an article on the Bleacher Report.

Do I really need to say anything else?

The Associated Press for the photo

The Love That Was Never Meant To Be.

On this glorious day for Magic fans I can’t help but feel sad. Now many of you will say “Terry, what could you possibly have to complain about?” Well, since you asked I’ll tell you, I am in love with someone that I cannot be with. Yes, yes, it sounds sappy and I’m sure many of you will poke fun at me for it but my man-crush knows no bounds. You see he was voted by the coaches to the all-star game in Phoenix as a reserve yesterday and while I was happy for him, I couldn’t help but think about what might have been. The man I am referring to is Danny Thor Granger (I don’t know that his middle name is Thor, but it fits so shut it).

Danny is averaging the following stat line for the season 25.8 points per game, 5 rebounds, 3.4 assists, 1 steal, and 1.4 blocks while shooting 87% from the line, that my friends is a thing of beauty. Not to mention that he plays with so much fire that while he was still a rookie the battles between him and Ron Artest in practice were described by one writer as looking like they were going to kill one another. Intensity, fire, aggressive competition, how could I not love him? Imagine our team with Dwight, Granger, Shard, Pietrus, and Jameer starting with Courtney and Turk off the bench (or mix it up however you like), the defense, the scoring, the trail of bodies left behind by a ferocious group of competitors…then there is the guy we took.

Fran **bleeping** Vasquez. Every time I see Granger play all I think about is Fran. Granger loses his front teeth diving for a loose ball and having Paul Pierce land on him and what does he do? Searches for his teeth, jumps up runs to the locker room, and only misses a time out before coming back into the game(

Our guy, Hermen Munster, shows up to the draft then freaks out at the sight of the gigantic metropolis that is Orlando, FL (aka The City Beautiful). Larry Bird had this to say about Granger “The day we brought him in to work him out for the draft, I told him there's no way we'll get you at 17, you're just too good," Bird said. "I never even dreamed we'd have a possibility(" Manolo Rubia, the team manager for Fran’s national team had this to say about Fran “I recently asked the players on the national team how many tickets they needed for the [international] games, everybody said, two, three, six, whatever. Fran said, ‘I’ll have to ask Ana (his girlfriend).’ He can’t even decide how many tickets he wants for himself. Orlando is not losing anything(" HURRAY! I couldn’t be happier!

In honor of Danny making the all-star team here are some differences (in no particular order) between Granger and Sally-

  • Granger was recently voted to the NBA All-Star game in Phoenix. Betsy recently moved up to big girl panties with Hello Kitty on them.
  • Granger trained under Ron Artest, the man who body slammed basketball-god in a pickup game and broke one of his ribs. Katie trains with Richard Simmons in the ancient art of streamer dancing.
  • Granger fights for loose balls even though his team is at the bottom of the league. Olivia fights with her husband Ana over where she put the baby powder…not really, she hides in the corner like a sissy girl and cry’s while listening to Zamfir and his magical pan pipe.

We may never know what happened on that fateful night in New York. Maybe B Hill threw a temper tantrum and screamed so loud that Otis was forced to take Suzy. It’s entirely possible that Nancy’s U.S. agent and her Spanish agent were scheming to destroy our beloved Magic. Perhaps Larry Bird has mastered The Jedi Mind Trick and told Otis that Granger was not the droid he was looking for, who knows, all I know is Indy got a competitor and we got a 7 foot tall ballerina.

Playoff Basketball

Music Mondays is a perfect 100% when it comes to your Orlando Magic. This weeks selection was "Let's Get Physical", and get physical is just what Orlando did against LeBron James and the rest of the Cavs team. Judging by their loss of composure in the third quarter, I would say they didn't like it very much.

It was a beautiful sight to behold, watching our Magic men get physical, watching them play playoff basketball in a big game, instead of watching it get played against them. Boston came in and played a very physical game, and Orlando's response was to complain. It took the Magic out of their game and got them into a Boston style game that the Celtics easily won. Lesson learned?

A lot of people (who don't watch the Magic play), think of Orlando as nothing more than a 3 point shooting team. "Live by the three, die by the three", and "Jump shooting teams don't win in the playoffs" are the rally calls of opposing fans and talking heads in the media that seek to discredit the Magic. Now that he has witnessed the Magic play first hand, at least one of those talking heads is starting to see what we Magic faithful have known for quite some time. Hollinger has a great article about the real Orlando Magic, and how they really win games. Last night was a beautiful example. It was well into the third quarter before Orlando's three point shooting surpassed the 30% mark. Dwight and company already had a 6 point lead by that time. Once the threes started falling in the fourth, Orlando pulled away easily. How did they do it? Defense. You know, that thing that Cleveland and Boston get credit for, but Orlando doesn't get mentioned. Keeping James out of the paint (after rolling out the red carpet for him in the first), and off the free throw line.

A lot of the defensive assignment in the second half fell upon rookie Courtney Lee. You know, that skinny kid Orlando picked up in the draft. He has to be giving up around 100 pounds to King James. He managed to keep LeBron out of the paint and content to shoot jumpers for most of the second half. It wasn't just CLee though, Pietrus took his turns (getting a steal and an assist to a streaking Hedo in the process), even Lewis guarded him at times.

The Magic played their style of basketball, with playoff intensity, and it paid off. LeBron seems to be getting a little more accustomed to getting the calls than I would like to see, if I were a Cavs fan. Speaking of Cavs fans, I read a lot of complaints this morning about LeBron not getting calls and getting hacked in the paint. I don't think any of them have watched Dwight play very often, or they wouldn't be complaining.

Parting thoughts...

Lots of Cleveland fans in the house last night. Somehow the seats next to mine always seem to be filled with opposing team fans for big games. In the past month, I've had to sit beside fans of the Lakers, Spurs, Celtics, Cavs, and had an obnoxious Wizards fan behind us. Come on Orlando, lets fill this place with Magic fans!

Every month I keep track of the Magic wins and losses on an Orlando Magic calendar. I put a big blue "W" or "L" for the day, depending on the outcome of the game. It's nice when people who don't follow the Magic faithfully see it on the wall and remark on how many wins the Magic have. Orlando has not lost more than three games in any month so far this season.

Watching LeBron argue with a ref after a missed shot and no foul call, I asked the person next to me what he could possibly be saying to the ref. This was her reply:
(said in a horrible imitation of Dave Chappelle) "I'm King James, bitch!"

ESPN's coverage Video
Magic give King James and the Cavs a royal whoopin' - Orlando Sentinel
GM Otis Smith's faith in Rashard Lewis and Jameer Nelson pays off - Orlando Sentinel
A closer look at Magic vs. Cavs - Orlando Sentinel
Star-crossed Cavaliers get drubbed after snub - Cleveland Plain Dealer
Orlando too much for Cavaliers - Florida Today
Star-Studded Magic Top Cleveland - Lakeland Ledger

Thursday, January 29, 2009

9 Things that will piss me off tonight

So tonight at 8 PM Lebron and Co. will be here to face the Magic. Since this is a rather important game, with a national TV audience and all, Amway should be loud and exciting. None the less, there are going to be 9 things that will really piss me off tonight.

1. Tiger Woods will probably be there. Now I think it is nice that the greatest golfer in a long time lives in our city, but he only comes out to watch his Magic when it's a big game. From my seat, which is on the opposite side of the court and not nearly as close to the action, I will be able to watch Tiger sit for almost the entire game expressionless. Again, I like Tiger, but he perhaps might be the most boring person on the face of the earth.

2. A Cavs fan that will almost certainly be sitting behind me. You have probably never been to Cleveland in you entire life. You can't name more than half the players on your team. You watch waaaayyy too much SportsCenter. Hell, you probably think Stuart Scott is entertaining. You are wearing a sweatband. But hey, Orlando is the 4th most popular city in the US, and "your" city is at the bottom.

3. That guy in the F350 that doesn't work construction will cut me off. I'll admit it, you are a cool dude with your sweet truck that your job as a line cook at TGI Friday's can only account for half of your monthly payment, but why pull out in front of me? The traffic is already bad. OPD will for some reason make everyone take a tour of downtown Orlando, their very own hedge maze, just so it will take me 20 minutes to drive the 4 miles home.

4. The O-Rena Chicken Tender Basket (OCTB) is on the opposite side of the building. You're great. You never fail to satisfy. But in order to get you I have to swim through an endless swarm of people. Why do you make me work so hard?

5. The Orlando Sentinel. After the game I am going to want to read the Sentinel's story. Unfortunately, I'll go to their website and have to wade through 1,000 stories about Caylee Anthony. The whole thing is a horrible situation, but at what point did the Sentinel cross over from journalism to tabloid opportunists? If you ask me, a long time ago.

6. The t-shirt toss. Why does this always seem to be the loudest part of the entire evening? Why do people care so much about a t-shirt that is probably two sizes too big? Quit making such a fool of yourself, you are acting like you should be at a New Kids on the Block concert, circa 1991.

7. People who go crazy when they are on the jumbotron. You would think this is the highlight of their life. And what makes them lose all sense of self respect and dignity? When you are at a birthday party or a wedding or making training videos at the company you work for that updates software for the 2000 switch or anywhere else where a camera might be present, do you still dance like Elaine?

8. Darnell Jackson. I can't stand Darnell Jackson. 1.2 ppg? Boooooooo.

9. The Magic fan who had to miss the game because of his daughters piano recital. I would actually not have a problem with this if he didn't sell his tickets on ebay... To a Cavs fan. Morally irresponsible.

Thanks to for the image.

The coming of the King and his court (i.e. the national Media)!

Tonight the King, who is foretold to one day take his throne in the center of the media world, comes to grace this backwater town with a visit. He will of course be followed by his adoring subjects in the media kingdom that will tax the media buffet at the Amway tonight.

While Lebron is easily one of the top players in the league along with Kobe, Dwayne Wade and our own Dwight Howard, what has he won so far to justify this media lunacy?

The Cleveland Lebron’s (they will likely offer to drop Cavs and rename the team in 2010 in an effort to keep Lebron out of NY), will be on National TV a league leading 17 times over the rest of this season. Our Magic will be seen only 6 times with 2 of these games being played against Cleveland. To put it into perspective the World champion Celtics will be on 15 times and that other finals team, the Lakers, will be on national TV 12 times.

If it is this bad already considering King James has never won an NBA Championship and plays for a team that the National Media usually ignores, consider the media orgy to come if the predictions come true?

Credit: To whoever created the chopped photo of James in a Knicks uniform.

Flagrant fouls, they’re flagrant and they’re uhh….foul.

As I was watching the video showing how Andrew Bynum punched Gerald Wallace’s latest ticket to the injured list, I started thinking about flagrant fouls and how they impact our Orlando Magic.

The NBA defines flagrant fouls as the following-

To be unsportsmanlike is to act in a manner unbecoming to the image of professional basketball. It consists of acts of deceit, disrespect of officials and profanity. The penalty for such action is a technical foul. Repeated acts shall result in expulsion from the game and a minimum fine of $1000. A flagrant foul-penalty (1) is unnecessary contact committed by a player against an opponent. A flagrant foul-penalty (2) is unnecessary and excessive contact committed by a player against an opponent.

Think about that, unnecessary contact or unnecessary and excessive contact. It was always my understanding that when a player is defending they should be making a play on the ball, shouldn't any foul where the defensive player is making no attempt at a play on the ball be unnecessary contact? For example Dwight getting grabbed around the waist to prevent a basket, is that even attempting to play basketball?

David Stern has put a lot of effort into increasing scoring and making the game more exciting. Let me ask you this, is it more exciting to watch an offensive player burn a defensive player and have a chance to finish the play or watching some slob grab a leg and hang on for dear life? Is it more exciting to see a great defensive player fly over and erase a mistake by one of his teammates or watch Jeff Foster rehearse for his role in Shawshank Redemption II (The Electric Boogaloo)?

The responsibility needs to be on the defensive player and if they get beat, too bad, they need to work on their agility in the offseason. Those are the guys that should be made to look foolish on the court rather than allowing them to take the easy way out on defense.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

4 Things You May Not Have Known About Brian Cook (That May or May Not be True)

Every team in The Association has that one player down at the end of the bench whom fans wonder what his purpose is and why he deserves a million dollar paycheck while you whore out your daughters for enough coin to buy a seat in section 729 Z.

If you are a fan of the Magic, (and I am assuming you are unless you clicked "random blog" and miraculously ended up here) that player is Brian Cook.

Acquired in a trade last season from the Lakers for Trevor Ariza, Cook has made a name for himself as an out of shape, pasty chucker who plays garbage minutes behind Tony "Mr. Intangibles" Battie and looks even worse in contrast to Ariza, who is absolutely PWNING n00bs in Hollywood.

Let's look behind the doughy physique of everyone's favorite 12th man and see if we can't learn a thing or two about the Cookie Monster.

1. His middle name is Joshua.

May not seem that cool, but lets take a look at other people named Joshua.

-Josh(ua) Hartnett. Was in a pretty cool movie called Black Hawk Down. Heard of it?

-Josh(ua) Groban. His last album Noel went multi platinum, although I've never met a fan of his in real life.

- Joshua. An Egyptian born Israelite leader who succeeded Moses. The similarities between he and Brian Joshua Cook are mind boggling.

2. He has an official Biography published.

It's called Brian Cook; An Illini Legend and it was written by Mark Tupper. Here is an actual quote from that book from Bill Self himself.

"Above all I'd say this; I would hope my son would mature and grow up to be a Brian Cook-type person"

Wow. Look for this literary masterpiece to go on backorder next month when Oprah adds it to her book club.

3. He was born on December 4th.

Thats right. The same day as Jay-Z, Tyra Banks, and Tadahito Iguchi. Enough said.

4. He once saved a girl scout from drowning.

He was partaking in his favorite hobby of fishing on Lake Michigan when he happened to see a small girl fall off her families dock. He immediately fired the engine over and pulled her out, later learning from grateful parents that she couldn't swim. Read more about it here....

So there you go folks. All you ever need to know about Brian Cook. Here's to another great half season of your ass wearing out the bench.

Pa-Pa-Pa-Power Rankings

It's Wednesday, and since we do things how we want here at TPASTBM, it's Power Rankings time. So, umm, here we go...

"Older than time itself, Man has always known the calling. Light of the light, strength of the soul, ignite this eternal power inside of me. I am Ninja! I am pure of heart, body, mind, and spirit. Join with me now as I become one with the Power of Ninja! It's Mighty Morphin' Power Rankings Time!"

1. Celtics (37-9) - They're on a 8 game winning streak, which is making people forget about their troubles earlier this month.

2. Cavaliers (35-8) - With only a loss to the Lakers, the Lebrons look to take their act into Orlando on Thursday. Besides the game, millions of fans await Gary Payton and Chris Webber's analysis.

3. Magic (34-10) - The Celtics loss? Didn't hurt that much. The Miami loss? Yeah, that one stung alittle. The Indiana win? That helped a bit. Winning against the Lebrons on Thursday, and maybe me and the Magic can snuggle again.

4. Lakers (35-9) - They were hugging it out with a win against the Spurs, but losing to the Bobcats at home might have made the record scratch in the locker room.

5. Spurs (30-14) - Zzzzzz...I mean a quality win at Utah on the road is always a plus. The Spurs continue to be, well, the Spurs.

6. Hornets (27-14) - This team doesn't scare me nearly as much as they did last year. Something about them I just can't put my finger on yet.

7. Nuggets (30-15) - Carmelo Anthony is close to returning, which spells trouble for the rest of the West. Don't be surprised if they are bumped up above the Hornets if they beat them Wednesday and then beat an improving Bobcats squad on Friday.

8. Trailblazers (27-17) - Oden looks decent, Aldridge looks good, Roy looks great. But in the interest of not losing our minds, lets wait til they can post a .500 road record before we annoint them the team of the future.

9. Rockets (28-18) - At least Yao has stayed relatively healthy. But even in a game he didn't play, there isn't much excuse for losing to the Knicks.

10. Suns (25-18) - Shaq made nine of ten free throws in a win against Washington on Monday. That's nice, but I'm sure we're not the only ones who seem to think this is about 15 years too late for the big fella.

11. Heat (24-18) - Miami broke their ten game losing streak to Orlando on Saturday night. Congrats on that one.

12. Mavericks (25-19) - Magic great Darrell Armstrong joined the coaching staff on Monday. Good news for Dallas area coffee sales.

13. Hawks (26-18) - Losers of two in a row and six out of their last ten, they seem to have not yet recover from the back to back losses to Orlando several weeks ago. But you have to give them some credit as we here at TPASTBM would have quit after that 121-87 throbbing back on January 9th.

14. Jazz (25-21) - Word on the hard knock streets of SLC is, aside from talk of the four game losing streak, is that AK-47 might have surgery on his bum ankle. Ohh, also, if the playoffs started today Utah would be out. Not good.

15. Pistons (24-19) - Deeeeetrrrrooooiiiittttt Baaassskkkeeettttbbbaaallll has lost seven of ten and Coach Michael Curry is having to deal with the internet. Again, not good.

16. 76ers (21-22) - Philly is finally starting to play some decent basketball and recently had a seven game win streak which included wins over New Orleans, Portland, Houston, Atlanta, and San Antonio. It's about time.

17. Bucks (22-26) - Your team has serious problems when you're having thoughts like: "We sure miss Andrew Bogut," and "Maybe Charlie V isn't as bad as we thought."

18. Bobcats (19-26) - They finally start getting it together, they're winning games, they're on their way to a victory in LA, and then Andrew Bynum almost kills Gerald Wallace. Frankly, someone should almost kill Andrew Bynum.

19. Nets (20-25) - What happened, Devin Harris? At least Brook Lopez looks like a winner. How did he fall in the draft again?

20. Bulls (18-27) - Only the Wizards have a worse road record. Kirk Hinrich won't help a team that has to rely on Aaron Gray at center.

21. Knicks (19-25) - There is no greater indictment of the pitiful quality of East centers than David Lee for the all-star game.

22. Raptors (18-28) - Remember when the addition of JO was going to change this franchise? Well, I guess it technically did. At least Bargnani is finally playing like he knows how to.

23. Timberwolves (16-27) - Kevin McHale the coach is doing alot better than the executive.

24. Pacers (17-28) - The mustache brigade was playing well until getting hammered by Danny Granger's new favorite team.

25. Thunder (10-35) - KD continues to impress and his squad is getting more and more competitive.

26. Warriors (14-31) - Doesn't Mark Cuban have to absolutely order his mascot to ride a moped for Monta Ellis first road game back from injury.

27. Clippers (10-34) - Al Thornton says all this Derrick Rose stuff is nonsense and we find out that Eric Gordon's nickname is the Hobbit.

28. Kings (10-36) - The Kings last victory over an Eastern Conference Foe: March 16, 2008 against the Raptors.

29. Wizards (9-35) - They blow leads. They lose games they should win. Andray Blatche and Nick Young play like crazy people and they frequently have to play Darius Songaila on opposing centers. At least JaVale McGee looks like a winner.

30. Grizzles (11-33) - Imagine if the Magic hired Brian Hill for a 3rd stint. Im sure Memphis fans are thrilled with the Lionel Hollins hire but judging by this they are not.

Thanks to IMDB for the kickin' quote and Atravovi for the Power Rangers image.

Public Radio and the Magic... It's a good thing

Orlando's public radio station, WMFE, aired a story this morning about the Orlando Magic and the teams recent success. Featured in the story are several fans, Pat Williams, and Brian Schmitz.

Listen to the story here:

Much of the story focused on the change from just a few years ago when Orlando lost 19 in a row and finished with not only the worst record in the NBA, but also one of the worst attendance numbers. Fortunately for Magic fans, the team didn't draft Emeka Okafor.

Also, tonight at 6:30 on Intersection on 90.7 FM, WMFE will again discuss the Magic. From their website:

"This Week's Topic: Host Mark Simpson talks with sports marketing expert Bill Sutton about the fan base of the Orlando Magic Basketball team."

Check it out on the radio or on WMFE's website. Also, and this is not Magic related, NPR is amazing.

Credit Blognabbit for the Saturday Night Live public radio image.

Top 3 headlines you won't see on any sports site

After crushing the Indiana Pacers 135-111, the sports writers will have to think of a headline for their recap of the game. My guess is that there will be a pun or two involved. Here, we think of 3 headlines you won't be finding on the front page of ESPN this morning.

3. "Anthony Johnson and his Pacemakers send the Pacers into cardiac arrest"

2. "Pacers embarrass themselves and their children: Lose 111-135"

And 1. "Brian Cook grabs 2 boards, helps Magic win 135-111"

It could be worse. I could have said "Magic make losing streak disappear, beat Pacers". Am I Right?

Credit: for the photo

The NBA, It's Stache-tastic!

Ok, so can we talk about Mike Dunleavy’s mustache for a minute? Seriously, the fact that he is sporting what appears to be a fake eyebrow on his upper lip either represents everything that is wrong about the NBA or everything that is gloriously right about the NBA! I’m personally leaning toward the latter. My interest in the game initially was watching my favorite team play. But I found myself drawn to Dunleavy’s stache like I’m drawn to the first few episodes of “American Idol.” In other words, it was highly disturbing, yet fascinating, so I couldn’t turn away. In fact, I got upset when he was taken out of the game or didn’t have the ball, because the camera had no excuse to be focusing on him. Still, even when it wasn’t on camera, I knew it was there. I felt its presence.

Actually, it is amazing to me that his teammates haven’t tied him down and shaved that thing off for him. Seriously, how can any of his teammates look at him with a straight face? At least Jeff Foster is big and mean and looks like a rock front man. In his case, a stache only adds to the aura. But with Dunleavy...geez...anyone remember that episode of “Friends” where Chandler tries to grow a mustache like Tom Selleck? This is worse…much, much worse. But hey, maybe it’s a strategic thing. Perhaps the opponent guarding Dunleavy is so distracted by the stache that he takes his eye off the ball, giving Dunleavy an advantage on offense.

Oh, and here’s a bonus….we now have a long, lanky, wild-haired white shooter to fill the role that Adam Morrison was supposed to fill. Now, while I would never compare Dunleavy’s stache sporting ability to Morrison’s, I will say that Dunleavy is well on his way to infamy if he can stay healthy on the court and add an inch or two to that stache.
Please Note: I attempted to find a photo of Dunleavy’s lip gerbil, but apparently it’s power is already so great, it cannot be captured using still photography.

BREAKING NEWS: Someone in the know got their hands on a photo of the gerbil.

Peaches and Kool-Aid

So I am watching the game last night and to my surprise in enters Peaches. This guy is just an incredible athlete. I think in all of the dominance until the Celtics game we forgot that he gives this team another gear. Granted Indiana had more interest in growing wimpy mustaches than D Peaches was able to put up a shiny 27/10 after missing 12 games with a broken wrist.

Danny Granger sure sounded like he was impressed.
Said Granger: "They are the best team in the East. Two words Dwight Howard explain it. He is the most dominate player since Shaquille O'Neal hands down."
I know I often lament the choice of Fran over Granger as do most fans but I wonder how the other side feels. Do you think Granger ever thinks about what it would be like to play with Dwight?

Well Danny gets to see his new favorite team defend his claim on Thursday against the Lebrons which hopefully will be a better show than the Celtics game.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Polish Hammer Sells Tickets

Magic big Marcin Gortat was the guest on this last weeks edition of Magic Overtime with Dante & Galante and he took the time to show off his salesmen skills.

"You not interesting? We'll hook you up with some, um, old socks from Dwight Howard, or maybe Marcin Gortat. You hear about this Polish Hammer?"

Los Puns o Juegos de Palabras, no solo son reservados para el Ingles

Bienvenidos a la realidad
La magia es atractiva, pero Orlando tiene más que eso y merece ser valorado

Algunas notitas del articulo en ESPN Deportes de Enero 19 por Bruno Altieri.

  • "Es una buena forma de ponerse en sintonía con un equipo silencioso que no tiene nada de la ternura de Mickey Mouse, pese a la cercanía"
  • "La magia se mezcla con realidad en el ambiente del básquetbol y los sueños de fantasía son sólo propiedad del castillo de Magic Kingdom."
  • "Las cámaras no parecen seducir a los jugadores del equipo de la Florida, que de a poco se quitan la fantasía y le dan lugar a la realidad."

¿Porque los escritores deportivos insisten en usar juegos de palabras para describir a los Orlando Magic? No importa el idioma, sea Ingles o Español, los reporteros insisten en usar lo que sea para juntar la magia con Orlando.

Es como si fuera obligado, en cualquier articulo, por lo menos usar una vez un "Pun". Me lleva a la conclusion de que no importa quien sea el escritor, si no incluyen un linea como esta:

"La Magia termina en el Reino Magico, cuando Orlando no consigue la victoria
anoche". meten en problemas. Mi idea es que una vez terminan y publican sus articulos son atacados por los ninjas del COPUJ PAD. (Consejo de Obligacion Para el Uso de Juego de Palabras en Articulos Deportivos). Tengan cuidado que los ninjas los estan vigilando.

Estoy seguro que no soy el unico que piensa asi. Miren que mis compañeros comparten my opinion. Claro esta que en otro idioma, pero la idea es la misma. Estamos cansados de estos jueguitos de palabras. Pero tambien estamos seguros de que continuaran.

Ahora por miedo a que los Ninjas me ataquen, aqui viene mi linea...en honor al partido de esta noche...

"La Magia regresa a Orlando, usan su hechizo para derrotar a los Pacers de Indiana"


El Fantasma de Carlos Arroyo

Now for something completely unrelated...

Times are tough. The economy sucks, people are doing what they can to cut back on expenses, trying to scrape by, others are losing their jobs. Times are tough. Which is why, given our current environment, I find stories like this so incredibly hard to believe.

I know a lot of people try to conserve energy and reduce their monthly expense, things like driving less, letting the house get a little colder in the winter or warmer in the summer, yelling at the kids to turn off the lights when they aren't in the room, simple things to impact the bottom line. Now that impact is being felt by someone else, someone who doesn't like it, and has a better idea on how to pass that buck onto someone else.

It seems that the local utilities in Orlando doesn't think much about the little guy trying to save money. People cutting back on power consumption is impacting OUC's bottom line. Their answer? Raise the rates! So, by cutting back on consumption and lowering their utility bill a mere 10 - 15 percent, OUC customers are rewarded, with a 13.7% rate hike!

I guess the lesson here is, why bother? Why try to cut back on your power bill, the company is just going to get theirs any way they must, so go ahead Orlando, leave your lights on! OUC is going to get theirs, you might as well make them 'work' for it, the alternative could leave us all in the dark, with the same monthly bill.

OUC, you are not punny.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Monday's Puns

Its a little leftover from the weekend but that does not excuse its horrendous intent.

Via Video Section:
Heat break Magic's Spell

Does this seriously happen with any other team...

Do we ever see Magic extinguish sizzling Heat or Detroit mugs Indiana?

Also, as ESPN's Marc Stein wrote:

"There is a small downside to starting out 33-8, sweeping the Spurs and Lakers, winning 17 of your first 22 road games and going 18-4 against the West. All that magic is a lot to live up to in the next 41 games."


Send your praise over to Marc Stein for that gem. Also, credit for the photo.

The Week Ahead

With a winless week behind them, the 33-10 Orlando Magic look to regain their swagger against the Pacers, Cavs, and Raptors this week.


First is a Tuesday evening home matchup against the Central Division's worst team. Orlando is 2-0 against the Pacers so far this season with wins of 100-98 in overtime on the road and 110-96 at home. Look for Dwight to have a big game after putting up 24 points and 17 rebounds in the first matchup and 32 and 21 in the second. Lookout for Indy's Danny Granger, he's good.


Orlando - 107
Indiana - 96

Dwight Howard - 28 pts., 16 rbs., 4 blks., 0 techs
Jeremy Richardson - 0 minutes

Danny Granger - 32 pts., 0 help from other teammates


The Cleveland Lebron's come to town for a TNT matchup. Cleveland goes into the week with the best record in the NBA (34-8) and will play Sacramento on Tuesday night before flying down to Orlando for Thursday's game. In other words, they will be 35-8 going into the Orlando game.


Cleveland - 97
Orlando - 92

Rashard Lewis - 26 pts., 6 rbs., 3 ast.
JJ Redick - 5 missed FT's.

Lebron James - 30 pts., 8 rbs., 8 ast., 7 friendly superstar calls.

TNT announcers and studio talking heads - 364 uses of Lebron, King James, or James. 4 incorrect statements about Orlando (example: "They haven't even made it out of the first round of the playoffs!").

Tiger Woods shows up, Orlando moves to 0-2 in Woods attended games.

3 Magic related puns the next morning.


In another early Sunday game in Toronto, the Magic will try to make up for their loss up north earlier this month. In the previous matchup Dwight had 39 points, Rashard had 20 points and 9 assists, while Hedo shot a sizzling 4-12 from the field. For some reason Toronto's Anthony Parker played like his sister, Candice Parker, scoring 26 points.


Orlando - 112
Toronto - 103

Dwight Howard - 29 pts., 15 rbs., 5 blks.
Hedo - 20 pts., much better than 4-12 shooting.
Jeremy Richardson - Once again, 0 minutes.

Anthony Parker remembers he's Anthony Parker and scores 12 pts.
Chris Bosh - 35 pts., 17-18 FT's.

Raptor superfan Nav Bhatia goes home unhappy.

Also, on Wednesday the World Economic Forum beigns it's annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland... So we have that going for us, which is nice.

Music Monday

It's Monday and last week the Magic went 0-2 with losses to Boston and Miami. The team, and superstar Dwight Howard were called soft by ESPN and much of the national media. A much more physical Boston team came in and pushed the Magic around on their own turf. The song, Physical by Olivia Newton-John

I'm saying all the things that I know you'll like
Making good conversation
I gotta handle you just right
You know what I mean
I took you to an intimate restaurant
Then to a suggestive movie
There's nothing left to talk about
Unless it's horizontally

Let's get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

I've been patient, I've been good
Tried to keep my hands on the table
It's gettin' hard this holdin' back
If you know what I mean

I'm sure you'll understand my point of view
We know each other mentally
You gotta know that you're bringin' out
The animal in me

Let's get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

Let's get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

Let's get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

Let's get animal, animal
I wanna get animal
Let's get into animal
Let me hear your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

Source: Lyrics Time

I agree Olivia, let's get physical, and then maybe animal.

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Credit "Sebi" from the Orlando Magic Message board for the title graphic.

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