Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Pa-Pa-Pa-Power Rankings

It's Wednesday, and since we do things how we want here at TPASTBM, it's Power Rankings time. So, umm, here we go...

"Older than time itself, Man has always known the calling. Light of the light, strength of the soul, ignite this eternal power inside of me. I am Ninja! I am pure of heart, body, mind, and spirit. Join with me now as I become one with the Power of Ninja! It's Mighty Morphin' Power Rankings Time!"

1. Celtics (37-9) - They're on a 8 game winning streak, which is making people forget about their troubles earlier this month.

2. Cavaliers (35-8) - With only a loss to the Lakers, the Lebrons look to take their act into Orlando on Thursday. Besides the game, millions of fans await Gary Payton and Chris Webber's analysis.

3. Magic (34-10) - The Celtics loss? Didn't hurt that much. The Miami loss? Yeah, that one stung alittle. The Indiana win? That helped a bit. Winning against the Lebrons on Thursday, and maybe me and the Magic can snuggle again.

4. Lakers (35-9) - They were hugging it out with a win against the Spurs, but losing to the Bobcats at home might have made the record scratch in the locker room.

5. Spurs (30-14) - Zzzzzz...I mean a quality win at Utah on the road is always a plus. The Spurs continue to be, well, the Spurs.

6. Hornets (27-14) - This team doesn't scare me nearly as much as they did last year. Something about them I just can't put my finger on yet.

7. Nuggets (30-15) - Carmelo Anthony is close to returning, which spells trouble for the rest of the West. Don't be surprised if they are bumped up above the Hornets if they beat them Wednesday and then beat an improving Bobcats squad on Friday.

8. Trailblazers (27-17) - Oden looks decent, Aldridge looks good, Roy looks great. But in the interest of not losing our minds, lets wait til they can post a .500 road record before we annoint them the team of the future.

9. Rockets (28-18) - At least Yao has stayed relatively healthy. But even in a game he didn't play, there isn't much excuse for losing to the Knicks.

10. Suns (25-18) - Shaq made nine of ten free throws in a win against Washington on Monday. That's nice, but I'm sure we're not the only ones who seem to think this is about 15 years too late for the big fella.

11. Heat (24-18) - Miami broke their ten game losing streak to Orlando on Saturday night. Congrats on that one.

12. Mavericks (25-19) - Magic great Darrell Armstrong joined the coaching staff on Monday. Good news for Dallas area coffee sales.

13. Hawks (26-18) - Losers of two in a row and six out of their last ten, they seem to have not yet recover from the back to back losses to Orlando several weeks ago. But you have to give them some credit as we here at TPASTBM would have quit after that 121-87 throbbing back on January 9th.

14. Jazz (25-21) - Word on the hard knock streets of SLC is, aside from talk of the four game losing streak, is that AK-47 might have surgery on his bum ankle. Ohh, also, if the playoffs started today Utah would be out. Not good.

15. Pistons (24-19) - Deeeeetrrrrooooiiiittttt Baaassskkkeeettttbbbaaallll has lost seven of ten and Coach Michael Curry is having to deal with the internet. Again, not good.

16. 76ers (21-22) - Philly is finally starting to play some decent basketball and recently had a seven game win streak which included wins over New Orleans, Portland, Houston, Atlanta, and San Antonio. It's about time.

17. Bucks (22-26) - Your team has serious problems when you're having thoughts like: "We sure miss Andrew Bogut," and "Maybe Charlie V isn't as bad as we thought."

18. Bobcats (19-26) - They finally start getting it together, they're winning games, they're on their way to a victory in LA, and then Andrew Bynum almost kills Gerald Wallace. Frankly, someone should almost kill Andrew Bynum.

19. Nets (20-25) - What happened, Devin Harris? At least Brook Lopez looks like a winner. How did he fall in the draft again?

20. Bulls (18-27) - Only the Wizards have a worse road record. Kirk Hinrich won't help a team that has to rely on Aaron Gray at center.

21. Knicks (19-25) - There is no greater indictment of the pitiful quality of East centers than David Lee for the all-star game.

22. Raptors (18-28) - Remember when the addition of JO was going to change this franchise? Well, I guess it technically did. At least Bargnani is finally playing like he knows how to.

23. Timberwolves (16-27) - Kevin McHale the coach is doing alot better than the executive.

24. Pacers (17-28) - The mustache brigade was playing well until getting hammered by Danny Granger's new favorite team.

25. Thunder (10-35) - KD continues to impress and his squad is getting more and more competitive.

26. Warriors (14-31) - Doesn't Mark Cuban have to absolutely order his mascot to ride a moped for Monta Ellis first road game back from injury.

27. Clippers (10-34) - Al Thornton says all this Derrick Rose stuff is nonsense and we find out that Eric Gordon's nickname is the Hobbit.

28. Kings (10-36) - The Kings last victory over an Eastern Conference Foe: March 16, 2008 against the Raptors.

29. Wizards (9-35) - They blow leads. They lose games they should win. Andray Blatche and Nick Young play like crazy people and they frequently have to play Darius Songaila on opposing centers. At least JaVale McGee looks like a winner.

30. Grizzles (11-33) - Imagine if the Magic hired Brian Hill for a 3rd stint. Im sure Memphis fans are thrilled with the Lionel Hollins hire but judging by this they are not.

Thanks to IMDB for the kickin' quote and Atravovi for the Power Rangers image.

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