So tonight at 8 PM Lebron and Co. will be here to face the Magic. Since this is a rather important game, with a national TV audience and all, Amway should be loud and exciting. None the less, there are going to be 9 things that will really piss me off tonight.
1. Tiger Woods will probably be there. Now I think it is nice that the greatest golfer in a long time lives in our city, but he only comes out to watch his Magic when it's a big game. From my seat, which is on the opposite side of the court and not nearly as close to the action, I will be able to watch Tiger sit for almost the entire game expressionless. Again, I like Tiger, but he perhaps might be the most boring person on the face of the earth.
2. A Cavs fan that will almost certainly be sitting behind me. You have probably never been to Cleveland in you entire life. You can't name more than half the players on your team. You watch waaaayyy too much SportsCenter. Hell, you probably think Stuart Scott is entertaining. You are wearing a sweatband. But hey, Orlando is the 4th most popular city in the US, and "your" city is at the bottom.
3. That guy in the F350 that doesn't work construction will cut me off. I'll admit it, you are a cool dude with your sweet truck that your job as a line cook at TGI Friday's can only account for half of your monthly payment, but why pull out in front of me? The traffic is already bad. OPD will for some reason make everyone take a tour of downtown Orlando, their very own hedge maze, just so it will take me 20 minutes to drive the 4 miles home.
4. The O-Rena Chicken Tender Basket (OCTB) is on the opposite side of the building. You're great. You never fail to satisfy. But in order to get you I have to swim through an endless swarm of people. Why do you make me work so hard?
5. The Orlando Sentinel. After the game I am going to want to read the Sentinel's story. Unfortunately, I'll go to their website and have to wade through 1,000 stories about Caylee Anthony. The whole thing is a horrible situation, but at what point did the Sentinel cross over from journalism to tabloid opportunists? If you ask me, a long time ago.
6. The t-shirt toss. Why does this always seem to be the loudest part of the entire evening? Why do people care so much about a t-shirt that is probably two sizes too big? Quit making such a fool of yourself, you are acting like you should be at a New Kids on the Block concert, circa 1991.
7. People who go crazy when they are on the jumbotron. You would think this is the highlight of their life. And what makes them lose all sense of self respect and dignity? When you are at a birthday party or a wedding or making training videos at the company you work for that updates software for the 2000 switch or anywhere else where a camera might be present, do you still dance like Elaine?
8. Darnell Jackson. I can't stand Darnell Jackson. 1.2 ppg? Boooooooo.
9. The Magic fan who had to miss the game because of his daughters piano recital. I would actually not have a problem with this if he didn't sell his tickets on ebay... To a Cavs fan. Morally irresponsible.
Thanks to ballparks.com for the image.