Powers Rankings

Today is one of my favorite sports days of the year. Baseball season is beginning and the culmination of the biggest legal gambling ring in our country concludes this evening with UNC taking on Michigan State.

It is also almost time for the NBA playoffs so with that said lets dust off some power rankings.

Championship Material

1. Cleveland: 62-15- I think it’s okay to be cavalier with your pregame intro when you have only lost 1.5 game at home.

2. Los Angeles: 61-16- I think the Bobcats have overtaken smog for ownership of Los Angeles.

3. Boston: 58-19- I’ve heard of home cooking but the Bobcats had 7 free throws on 102 field goal attempts. Now that is the luck of the irish.

4. Orlando: 57-19- When Marcin Gortat makes a 3 you know you have capped off a Magical night.

If the Lakers somehow all come down with mono

5. Houston: 49-28 -On paper this team should be awful but they continue to soar without Me-Mac.

6. Denver: 52-26- No Rocky Mountain High for the Nuggets as they enjoy their best season in years and all anyone can talk about is Jay Cutler.

7. Spurs: 49-27- They always spur the regular season with about 20 games to go and just get ready for post-season battle and world domination.

Could be frisky but not to much is expected

8. Portland: 48-28-Everything seems to be roses for the Blazers as they prepare for their first playoff series since the JailBlazer days.

9. New Orleans: 47-29- Hornets are feeling the sting of the 2 game losing streak as they are creeping a little closer to the 8 seed.

10. Atlanta: 43-34- The Hawks have already flown into the playoffs and are locked into the 4 seed so now so who really cares.

11. Utah: 47-30- Get on the saxophone the Jazz won a road game against a winning team.

12. Miami: 41-36-Wade is scorching right now but is finding out its not fun being the guy on a mediocre team.

13. Philadelphia: 40-36- Maybe the Sixers will try and declare independence from Elton Brand this summer as they appear to be a much better team without him.

First Round Fodder

14. Chicago: 37-40-No bull here. MJ has given his endorsement for the Olympics in Chicago.

15. Pistons: 37-40: This baby is sputtering to the finish line as Allen Iverson is now complaining about playing time and is “out” for the regular season.

Still in the hunt but no way they qualify

16. Phoenix: 42-35-Time has set on the Suns and it will be the first Floptus team to miss the playoffs since his rookie season in Orlando.

17. Charlotte: 34-43- The Bobcats are still scratching and clawing as they continue to own the Lakers.

18. Bucks: 32-46: No pun here. I just want some cheese curds.

19. Pacers: 33-44- Well Brandon Rush is doing his part picking up his scoring pace considerably.

Please let us get Blake Griffin

20. Toronto: 30-46- A home loss the Knicks on Sunday left their playoff chances extinct.

21. New Jersey: 32-45-I guess Allen Iverson on the bench Nets victories for everyone.

22. New York: 30-47: The flowers in this garden are finally showing signs of blooming.

23. Minnesota: 22-55: The Wolves are letting their pray feast on them as they only won 3 games in the month of March.

24. Oklahoma City: 21-55: Add Blake Griffin to the electric trio of Durant, Green, and Westbrook and this team could be on the fast track to big things.

25. Golden State: 28-49: I know Stephen Jackson makes love to pressure but the warrior instinct of this team left with Baron Davis.

26. Memphis: 22-55: Break out the blue suede shoes as the Grizz have won 4 in a row.

27. Washington: 18-60: Is anyone more of a Wiz at self-promotion than Gilbert Arenas.

28. Kings: 18-60: Royalty was retired on Tuesday as Vlade Divac's Jersey is now hanging in the rafters at Arco.

29. Los Angeles: 18-59: If this team ever wants to move forward they need to cut ties with Mike Dunleavy and hire Isiah Thomas.

Still bitter about Jameer but his suits are very dapper

30. Dallas: 46-31: Jason Kidd sure had the six shooter loaded as he handed out 20 assists in 3 quarters on Sunday to make playoff wishes set on the Suns.

Power Rankings: Its Puntastic

1. Lakers (42-9)-This Hollywood darling should win an Oscar for how they ran rampid through the East Coast.

2. Spurs (35-25)-Can we spur a trend and call Roger Mason Jr. Big Shot Rog without him having done it in the playoffs.

3. Celtics (42-11)-Home losses to the Spurs and Lakers certainly left Boston green with envy.

4. Magic (38-12)- We now hope that the AJ/Lue/Turk/Lee combo platter has enough tricks in their arsenal to keep the Magic on top.

5. Cavaliers (39-11)-We know the Cavs are feeling crabby this morning but we are in a giving mood. This is how you complete the game winning alley-oop.

6. Nuggets (35-17)-There is nothing Melo about bouncing back against Miami after a 44 point beatdown at the hands of the Nets.

7. Trail Blazers (31-19)-Brandon Roy continues to blaze teams with buzzer beaters as his latest victim was the Knickerbockers.

8. Hawks (30-21)-Despite injuries to key guys like Al Horford and Josh Smith Atlanta is soaring to their best record in over a decade.

9. Sixers (26-24)-I can feel the brotherly love over here as this team seems to get better and better without Elton Brand.

10. Rockets (31-21)-We might need to start giving T-Mac rocket fuel if those knees don't get better.

11. Hornets (30-19)-New Orleans certainly feeling the sting of losing Chris Paul as they have dropped 3 out of their last 5 including only an 80 point effort against the Grizz on Monday.

12. Jazz (29-23)-Deron Williams is playing fantastic but the loss to the Warriors after winning 3 in a row probably has the Jazz singing the blues.

13. Bucks (25-29)- The Buck stops at Sessions, Jefferson, and Villanueva as they become the first trio in 16 years to score 25 points and play less than 35 minutes.

14. Heat (27-25)-Can somebody tell me what the heck extinguished Shawn Marion besides the Heat trade because his numbers Pre-SSOL were still great.

15. Suns (28-22)-Speaking of SSOL it seems that the sun may be setting on that era with rumblings of an imminent Amare Stoudemire trade.

16. Pistons (27-23)-Chicago lubricating the Pistons defense for 37 points in the 4th last night makes it 3 games in a row the Pistons once stellar D has given up more than 100 points.

17. Pacers (21-32)-Danny Granger and the mustache bandits are the only team to beat the top 4 in the NBA this season and at this pace should make a nice run at the Eastern conference playoffs.

18. Bulls (23-29)-Nothing bullish about this guy's performance in the last 4 games as he is nearly averaging a double-double and finally proving to be the player many thought he would be.

19. Nets (24-29)-After abusing Denver all New Jersey has been able to net is 2 straight losses at the hands of Orlando and San Antonio.

20. Bobcats (20-31)-Charlotte has been pouncing on their roster ferociously as they attempt to completely revamp the roster.

21. Warriors (18-35)-Oracle Arena attendees get a golden effort on offense from the home team as the last time they did not score 100 was a home victory over Boston on December 26th.

22. Timberwolves (17-34)- Big Al Jefferson is done for the season and this young pack of Wolves is left to pick up the pieces.

23. Thunder (13-39)- Kevin Durant keeps bringing the scoring boom and this young team keeps getting more and more competitive.

24. Grizzlies (15-36)-It is a grizzly prospect to expect this team to do anything with Rudy Gay out although OJ Mayo will be playing H-O-R-S-E this weekend.

25. Raptors (20-34)-Any chance of Toronto making the playoffs appear to be extinct with Chris Bosh out with a sprained knee.

26. Knicks (21-30)- Even without Starbury and Isiah this Broadway production keeps getting more offensive as their defensive is a disgrace to the game of basketball.

27. Clippers (12-40)-I think they are going to need the jaws of life to clip Mike Dunleavy Sr. off this mess since he can't get fired and he will not quit.

28. Wizards (11-41)-It will take much more than a healthy spell from Gilbert Arenas to get this team out of the bottom.

29. Kings (11-42)-The only thing you can about this team is that they royally suck.

30. Mavericks (31-20)- You are in last because Ericka Dampier decided to take maverick law into his own hands and end Jameer's season. Jason Terry would like to see you in the trainer's room Mrs. Dampier.

Pa-Pa-Pa-Power Rankings

It's Wednesday, and since we do things how we want here at TPASTBM, it's Power Rankings time. So, umm, here we go...

"Older than time itself, Man has always known the calling. Light of the light, strength of the soul, ignite this eternal power inside of me. I am Ninja! I am pure of heart, body, mind, and spirit. Join with me now as I become one with the Power of Ninja! It's Mighty Morphin' Power Rankings Time!"

1. Celtics (37-9) - They're on a 8 game winning streak, which is making people forget about their troubles earlier this month.

2. Cavaliers (35-8) - With only a loss to the Lakers, the Lebrons look to take their act into Orlando on Thursday. Besides the game, millions of fans await Gary Payton and Chris Webber's analysis.

3. Magic (34-10) - The Celtics loss? Didn't hurt that much. The Miami loss? Yeah, that one stung alittle. The Indiana win? That helped a bit. Winning against the Lebrons on Thursday, and maybe me and the Magic can snuggle again.

4. Lakers (35-9) - They were hugging it out with a win against the Spurs, but losing to the Bobcats at home might have made the record scratch in the locker room.

5. Spurs (30-14) - Zzzzzz...I mean a quality win at Utah on the road is always a plus. The Spurs continue to be, well, the Spurs.

6. Hornets (27-14) - This team doesn't scare me nearly as much as they did last year. Something about them I just can't put my finger on yet.

7. Nuggets (30-15) - Carmelo Anthony is close to returning, which spells trouble for the rest of the West. Don't be surprised if they are bumped up above the Hornets if they beat them Wednesday and then beat an improving Bobcats squad on Friday.

8. Trailblazers (27-17) - Oden looks decent, Aldridge looks good, Roy looks great. But in the interest of not losing our minds, lets wait til they can post a .500 road record before we annoint them the team of the future.

9. Rockets (28-18) - At least Yao has stayed relatively healthy. But even in a game he didn't play, there isn't much excuse for losing to the Knicks.

10. Suns (25-18) - Shaq made nine of ten free throws in a win against Washington on Monday. That's nice, but I'm sure we're not the only ones who seem to think this is about 15 years too late for the big fella.

11. Heat (24-18) - Miami broke their ten game losing streak to Orlando on Saturday night. Congrats on that one.

12. Mavericks (25-19) - Magic great Darrell Armstrong joined the coaching staff on Monday. Good news for Dallas area coffee sales.

13. Hawks (26-18) - Losers of two in a row and six out of their last ten, they seem to have not yet recover from the back to back losses to Orlando several weeks ago. But you have to give them some credit as we here at TPASTBM would have quit after that 121-87 throbbing back on January 9th.

14. Jazz (25-21) - Word on the hard knock streets of SLC is, aside from talk of the four game losing streak, is that AK-47 might have surgery on his bum ankle. Ohh, also, if the playoffs started today Utah would be out. Not good.

15. Pistons (24-19) - Deeeeetrrrrooooiiiittttt Baaassskkkeeettttbbbaaallll has lost seven of ten and Coach Michael Curry is having to deal with the internet. Again, not good.

16. 76ers (21-22) - Philly is finally starting to play some decent basketball and recently had a seven game win streak which included wins over New Orleans, Portland, Houston, Atlanta, and San Antonio. It's about time.

17. Bucks (22-26) - Your team has serious problems when you're having thoughts like: "We sure miss Andrew Bogut," and "Maybe Charlie V isn't as bad as we thought."

18. Bobcats (19-26) - They finally start getting it together, they're winning games, they're on their way to a victory in LA, and then Andrew Bynum almost kills Gerald Wallace. Frankly, someone should almost kill Andrew Bynum.

19. Nets (20-25) - What happened, Devin Harris? At least Brook Lopez looks like a winner. How did he fall in the draft again?

20. Bulls (18-27) - Only the Wizards have a worse road record. Kirk Hinrich won't help a team that has to rely on Aaron Gray at center.

21. Knicks (19-25) - There is no greater indictment of the pitiful quality of East centers than David Lee for the all-star game.

22. Raptors (18-28) - Remember when the addition of JO was going to change this franchise? Well, I guess it technically did. At least Bargnani is finally playing like he knows how to.

23. Timberwolves (16-27) - Kevin McHale the coach is doing alot better than the executive.

24. Pacers (17-28) - The mustache brigade was playing well until getting hammered by Danny Granger's new favorite team.

25. Thunder (10-35) - KD continues to impress and his squad is getting more and more competitive.

26. Warriors (14-31) - Doesn't Mark Cuban have to absolutely order his mascot to ride a moped for Monta Ellis first road game back from injury.

27. Clippers (10-34) - Al Thornton says all this Derrick Rose stuff is nonsense and we find out that Eric Gordon's nickname is the Hobbit.

28. Kings (10-36) - The Kings last victory over an Eastern Conference Foe: March 16, 2008 against the Raptors.

29. Wizards (9-35) - They blow leads. They lose games they should win. Andray Blatche and Nick Young play like crazy people and they frequently have to play Darius Songaila on opposing centers. At least JaVale McGee looks like a winner.

30. Grizzles (11-33) - Imagine if the Magic hired Brian Hill for a 3rd stint. Im sure Memphis fans are thrilled with the Lionel Hollins hire but judging by this they are not.

Thanks to IMDB for the kickin' quote and Atravovi for the Power Rangers image.

Monday's Puns

Its a little leftover from the weekend but that does not excuse its horrendous intent.

Via FoxSports.com Video Section:
Heat break Magic's Spell

Does this seriously happen with any other team...

Do we ever see Magic extinguish sizzling Heat or Detroit mugs Indiana?

Also, as ESPN's Marc Stein wrote:


"There is a small downside to starting out 33-8, sweeping the Spurs and Lakers, winning 17 of your first 22 road games and going 18-4 against the West. All that magic is a lot to live up to in the next 41 games."


Link: http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/powerranking

Send your praise over to Marc Stein for that gem. Also, credit ESPN.com for the photo.