Wednesday, February 18, 2009
3 Reasons why Adonal Foyle would make a great President.
Posted by Tyson J. Perfect at 2/18/2009 05:06:00 PM
Dedicated Magic fans are well acquainted with the Foyle, after signing the one-time NCAA career leader in blocked shots to a vet contract two seasons ago, at which time he was the longest tenured player ever in Golden State history. At this point in the franchise, however, the big Caribbean with the toothy smile is relegated to wearing a suit most nights, an insurance policy in case Battie, Gortat, Cook (sigh), or God forbid Dwight get hurt. But we have not forgotten you, sir.
Let me start with a disclaimer. Adonal David Foyle was born in Canouan, St. Vincent and the Grenadines, therefore is not a natural-born US Citizen. Therefore, according to the Constitution of the United States of America, he cannot be elected President.
Now that I have gotten that out of the way, let me enthrall you with the particulars in reference to the title of this post. Adonal Foyle would make a great President, and here are three cold, hard facts (Presented by Coors Light) as to why.
I know this isn't usually a requirement for politcal office, (See Robert Byrd, Dan Quayle, or pretty much everyone in Congress today) but being smart certainly helps when it comes to fooling people into voting for you.
Aluminum Foyle graduated Magna Cum Laude from the prestigious Colgate University with a degree in history. All while playing a college sport. Think about this next time you wake up on a random couch somewhere smelling like stale Natty and bar sweat and are debating whether or not you're going to attend your 1:00 Civics class at South County State Community College. (If this does ever happen to you I suggest smelling your hand when you wake up. If its normal, spray on some Axe and head to class, if its anything other than normal, quickly head to Student Health).
Now, I know a college degree doesn't necessarily mean you are smart, but...... nevermind, it absolutely fucking does. The guy managed AT LEAST a 3.5 GPA while spending most of his time outside of class on a basketball court or in the gym, toning those finely sculpted Island biceps........ no homo.
He Can Relate to all Income Groups
According to www.AdonalFoyle.com, "Adonal grew up in the tiny island of Canouan, where he was raised by his grandmother and pet donkey and relied on a kerosene lamp to light up his room while doing homework."
I don't know about you guys, but that's about as poor as it gets. Kid's these days complain about not getting the latest Call of Duty for their birthdays, can you imagine what little Adonal got? Probably nothing due to the fact that he was raised by a fucking donkey. I kept reading the bio, waiting to see if he had to stick a banana leaf out in the rain to get drinking water for the family but I couldn't find it, maybe that was the donkey's job.
At the age of 15, he was adopted by two college professors and moved to New York. He lived the middle-class American lifestyle throughout college, and after being selected 8th overall by the Warriors in the 97 draft, he entered the life of an NBA player, basically guaranteeing him financial security and a sudden opinion on the Capital Gains Tax.
A standard rags-to some other step in between-to riches story. He knows what its like to bathe in mud, bathwater, and Dom Perignon. He knows what its like to wipe his ass with bark, toilet paper, and crisp hundreds peeled off a roll. HE KNOWS WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH, and he deserves your vote.
He Actually Cares About Serious Political Issues.
In 2001, in between his poetry jams with Etan Thomas, he founded Democracy Matters, which, according to Wikipedia is "a non-partisan student organization, as an effort to counteract political apathy on college campuses. The organization's signature issue is campaign finance reform, particularly clean elections. Active on over 50 college campuses, Democracy Matters involves hundreds of students and faculty nationwide through teach-ins, letter writing and petition campaigns, educational seminars, and voter registration drives."
This ain't no community organizing people. This serious business.
On top of the political aspect of his work, he puts his money where is mouth is to actually solve some problems facing the underpriveledged of the world, Oprah-style.
In 2006, Adonal also started the Kerosene Lamp Foundation. KLF, a non-profit 501c3 organization, helps empower children of the Eastern Caribbean as well as the United States and give them the right tools to navigate life's challenges such as illiteracy, sexually transmitted diseases and economic hardship. (Credit www.AdonalFoyle.com)
There you have it Magic fans, we have our very own viable presidential candidate sitting at the end of our bench every night, waiting for his chance to bring the political hammer down on any social issue that attempts to drive the lane on him.