Vote for Stan Van Gundy!

As you can tell, we here at TPASTBM kinda like the coach of the Orlando Magic. The guys over at BDL are having a tournament of sorts, consisting of 32 things that we the fans may or may not love about the NBA. A matchup of No. 4 seed Stan Van Gundy is taking on No. 5 seed Jeff Van Gundy in the 1st round.

We ask you to go and show your support for our beloved coach, and keep the frontrunning alive.

Dwight in a Foul Mood!

Wednesday's Boston game had all the makings of playoff basketball, including the refs swallowing their whistles and letting the teams get very physical. When seeing his young star center again not get a call when the defender was INTENTIONALLY trying to foul to prevent an easy basket Stan Van Gundy did what good coaches do and blasted the officials until they gave him a technical foul. Part of me also felt Stan did it to ensure he got the tech and not Dwight who this season has joined a club he has never been a part of.

Looking at the NBA stat leaders in this category makes it one that is very easy to identify. Rasheed Wallace, Carmelo Anthony and Stephan Jackson present and accounted for, but where is Mr. Iverson and why is his seat filled by this 6-11 physical phenom who always seems to be smiling? Yes, oddly enough our own comical, smiling, media friendly Dwight Howard has suddenly joined the usual foul tempered league leaders in getting technical fouls. His total of 13 for the season ties him with Carmelo Anthony for third and is only 3 away from a one game mandatory suspension. In fact Dwight's sudden rise in this category has nearly matched his entire previous four year career total of 16.

Why the sudden rise you say? Dwight has become such a handful in the paint that teams have resorted to flopping (that includes you Shaq), clubbing, and grabbing along with the double and triple teams he receives on a nightly basis. Teams have decided that the best defense against Dwight is to put him on the line (Dwight leads the league in free throw attempts per game) to test his career 60% free throw percentage or try to get him in foul trouble by drawing offensive fouls. This treatment unfortunately leads to a lot of missed calls because the sheer volume of the fouls but quite often calls are blown. The refs need to be made aware that although Dwight looks like a man of steel he can still be injured when teams send 2,3 and sometimes 4 people after you during a game with the full intent of using their full allotment of six fouls.

Quite honestly, I believe other star big men like current Magic coach Patrick Ewing have told him that sometimes he has to put aside his bubbly personality and let the officials know they still have a job to do in protecting him... Even if it means getting technical fouls! Unfortunately in the NBA it is a well known fact the "squeaky wheel gets the grease" which is why you see the "who's, who" of NBA stars and coaches spending a good deal of game time complaining to officials.

Frontrunning with Stan Van Gundy

If there is anyone we love almost as much as the Warlock here at the PUNS it's our head coach Stan Van Gundy. Besides wearing suits way to small for him and absolutely refusing to wear a tie he has really been bringing the zingers lately.

I present to you in chronological order our 10 favorite Stan Van Gundy quotes which give a nice blend of hilarity and honesty:

1. On the NBA's player dress code:

I thought it was funny they can't wear any of the jewelry and stuff like that. That's stricter than the dress code in a lot of office buildings.

2. On Dwight's Lack of Defense Last Season:

When you're a great player and a franchise guy, there's more on you. He's got to accept it. He may not like it. He may not like the way I did it. But I've also done it before many times in private --- just he and I. I didn't think it was making an impact, so now it's out there for everybody. We'll see what happens. I think Dwight wants to be a great player. I think Dwight wants to be a winner. But we're in Year 4 and he hasn't won a playoff game.

3. On the BCS:

At the end of the day, we're going to get one win or one loss, We're not the BCS, where the polls and the power ratings and all of that ridiculous stuff matters. This is a legitimate sport. If this were the BCS, I'd have to be lobbying. In the BCS, an undefeated team doesn't get a chance to win a championship. I'm just glad we're in a legitimate sport where it's decided on the court, not one where it's a beauty pageant, where preseason rankings matter as much as anything to winning a championship. It's the most ridiculous thing in sport. For me as a fan, Florida has no more claim to the national championship than USC, Texas, Utah, a bunch of them. Why? Because a bunch of guys in the media or a bunch of coaches say they're better. That's not the way sports is supposed to be. I'm not buying it. But if that's the way they want to run their sport -- with a beauty contest -- that's fine. But it doesn't make it legitimate and doesn't make them (Florida) any more of a national champion than any of those other teams.

4. On Hedo Turkoglu becoming a father:

"We took a vote and there are a few of us that are concerned with Hedo being responsible for another human being so we'll see what happens." The 29-year-old’s coach, Stan Van Gundy, jokingly shared that he hopes the couple’s first child "looks like his [Hedo's] wife and has her personality."

5. Stan on Shaq flopping:

I was shocked, seriously, shocked, And very disappointed cause he knows what it's like. Lets stand up and play like men, and I think our guy did that tonight.

6. Stan on Shaq's reaction:

That's not his normal comments. Obviously I struck a nerve and hurt his feelings. Shaq's a very sensitive guy. If I hurt his feelings, I'm sorry.

7. Stan on Dwight's MVP chances:

For a lot of different reasons it's a perimeter league. Leading the league in rebounding and blocked shots while still averaging 21 points a game is just not as sexy as those guys going out and having 40-point nights. It's just tough and I think people are failing to recognize the other end of the floor defensively and his contribution.

8. On Cleveland's 3 second call:

You won't see that call again. That, I guarantee you. You will not see, with the game on the line, a 3-second call in the last 10 seconds. That's part of the reason they're 30-1 at home. They're a very good team, and when you get calls like that [expletive], you're in pretty good shape.

9. On the Patrick Chewing Commercial:

These guys are really hard on him with that commercial. I mean they are really hard on him with that commercial. He gets imitated on that several times daily. They’re on (the wig he wears in the commercial) too. They’re on every aspect of that; believe me. It’s been well commented on here.

10. On the Knicks celebration for Patrick Ewing pre and post game:

Patrick just went into the Hall of Fame. He's had nights there before anyway. I think they'll continue to honor him as times as they possibly can until they get good enough to put people in the seats on their own. I'm not trying to needle anybody or tell them their business. What's amazing is they honor the guy, I don't know, every year. They honor him, but while they've got a lot of ex-players in their organization, they've never made any move to try to hire him. That to me is amazing.

11. Like the Hemmingway cats, I was born with an extra digit, and it impacts my ability to properly count to ten with my shoes off. So here is a random Stan quote from some game at some point against the New Jersey Nets:

I like that title, by the way. George Bush, you know, is the decider. I can be the decider in Orlando.

As an added bonus here is a video quote from Stan on his catch at the Lakers game this season.

Familiar faces may come back to threaten us in the playoffs

The Magic have all but locked up the 3rd seed in the playoffs this year, with a chance they may steal the 2nd seed from the Celtics down the stretch. Seeds 6-8 are an entirely different story, with nearly 6 teams battling it out for their respective spots. Let's take a look at how some of these teams are linked back to the Magic, and how much of a threat they really are.

Miami Heat: We all know the connection here, Stan Van Gundy. The one time coach of the Heat, SVG "resigned" after nearly leading the team to the NBA Finals. One player that he coached up and put the team on his shoulders, was Dwyane Wade. Wade had an amazing playoff run as a rookie, hitting the game winning shot in the 1st round of the series against the Hornets. Wade seems to always turn it up a notch while playing against his former coach, as evidenced by dropping a combined 110 pts (36.6ppg) in 3 games this year.

Threat Level:

Philadelphia: Currently the 6th seed and set to play us if the playoffs started today, the Sixers wouldn't appear to have any Magic ties at first glance. However, if you look closely, you will see one name on the roster that was linked to the Magic last June. Forward Marreese Speights was said to be targeted with the 22nd pick, as the Magic brought him in for workouts with 4 other forwards. Many fans were mixed about the idea of drafting Speights, who was known for having a lack of work ethic and heart. The rookie is currently averaging 7.8 ppg and 3.8 rpg, which are promising numbers for coming off the bench playing under 20mpg.
Threat Level:

Detroit Pistons: Despite having a mental stronghold, the Pistons actually have a player on their team the Magic could have had. Guard Rodney Stuckey was drafted by the Pistons using the pick they acquired from the Magic in the Arroyo/Milicic/Cato trade. In his rookie year, he averaged 7.7 ppg, 2.3 rpg, and 2.8 apg, numbers which Magic fans would have loved to see him put up as their backup PG. The rookie also came through big in the playoffs against the Magic, starting 2 games, and helping win both of them to eliminate the Magic in the 2nd round.

Threat Level:

Chicago Bulls: While this team doesn't have any specific former Magic player on their team, they do still have alot of history with the current Magic squad, and teams of the past. The young Magic team of 94-95 actually beat the Bulls to advance to the ECF, eventually winning that series as well before losing in the Finals that year. Also, who doesn't remember "the steal"? The next year, the Bulls got their revenge, sweeping the Magic in the conference finals, and winning the NBA title. Most recently, the Magic have been taking care of the Bulls rather easily, though the Bulls did manage to score a blowout victory due to an embarrassing effort by the Magic in February. Will the Bulls have revenge on their minds if we meet them in the playoffs? I'd bet yes.
Threat Level:

Charlotte Bobcats: The Bobcats have a chance to make the playoffs for the first time in team history this year due to an improved roster by trades, and the arrival of coach Larry Brown. One thing that has shaped this team was back in 2004, when they drafted Emeka Okafor. With the 1st pick in the draft, the Magic took a chance on a raw, but talented high school prospect named Dwight Howard. You may have heard of him. Passing on what was a sure thing from UCONN, the Bobcats quickly drafted Mr. Okafor, and the rest is history. Dwight has gone on to be a multiple all-star, slam dunk champion, and has led his team to back to back 50 win seasons. Okafor has...averaged double doubles. Will Okafor try to make a statement and try to shutdown Dwight if they meet in the playoffs?

Threat Level:

Milwaukee Bucks: Last, but not least, the Bucks. The 2003 draft not only brought us the stud known as Reece Gaines, but also a solid contributor in Keith Bogans. Bogans was actually drafted by Milwaukee with the 43rd pick in the draft, only to be traded on draft night to the Magic. As a rookie, Bogans put up a solid 6.8 ppg and 4.3 rpg. Despite the rookie success, the Magic traded him to the Bobcats for Brandon Hunter and the Bogans era was over in Orlando. Or was it? Resigned via free agency in 2006, Bogans joined the team again and become a role player off the bench, even starting at the SG spot in the beginning of the 07-08 season under Stan Van Gundy. However, the team parted ways with Keith again this season, in exchange for current 3rd PG Tyronn Lue after the Jameer Nelson injury. There was said to be hard feelings between the organization and Keith, until recently when Keith decided it's all good. In the first meeting against the Magic this year since being traded, he had 0 pts, 4 boards, and 3 assists, while going 0-3 from the arc.

Threat Level:

Si no ganan hoy el mundo se acaba

El mundo del fanatico en la red. La internet nos da muchas cosas beneficiosas. Informacion, noticias, entretenimiento, y tambien estan esos sitios donde encontrar compañia adulta esos viernes por la noche, despues de una semana larga de trabajo, y sin tener energias para salir o para los que simplemente no tenemos, digo, tienen amigos con quien salir.

Los Magic perdieron contra los Lebroniers. Esta bien, fue un juego cerrado y si quitamos los pititos esos al final del juego por los refs, fue un muy buen partido peleado hasta el final. Pero que pasa, que en todos los foros y blogs esta mañana estan los fanaticos vueltos locos como si el mundo se hubiera acabado. Desde fans pidiendo el banco para Rashard Lewis a otros que quieren colgar a Stan Van Gundy por no usar a Dwight mas en el juego.

Mi gente, tomenlo con calma. El deporte es entretenimiento. Yo entiendo que como fans de un deporte, somos bien apacionados y celosos pero no queremos morir de un ataque del corazon. No es el fin del mundo. Los Magic han mejorado un mundo comparando con la temporada pasada. Hubiera sido muy bueno ganar el juego, pero simplemente no se pudo. Ahora es tiempo de seguir adelante y terminar la temporada lo mejor que se pueda. Hasta los Bulls de los 90 tuvieron que perder algunos jueguitos, asi que no se me desesperen.

Respiren profundo.

Ya te sientes mejor?

Entiendes que es solo entretenimiento?
ok, pues, es que no te queremos perder...
Disfruta el juego de hoy.

If they Don't win the World has ended

The cyber fan world that is. The internet gives us many good things. You can find information on just about anything, news, entertainment, and even some adult company for those lonely fridays after a long work week, where you don't have energy to go out and do anything or if you simply don't have any friends.

The Magic lost last night to the Lebroniers. That's ok, it was a close game, and if we take out the few miscalls by the refs in the end, it was well played. But what happened this morning, all the forums and blogs are full of fans that are about to blow their heads off. From benching Rashard Lewis to hanging Stan Van Gundy for not giving Dwight more touches.

People, take it easy. Sport is entertainment. Sure we are fans and sometimes passionate about our sport, but you don't want to have a heart attack for a loss. Its not the end of the world. The Magic have improved a lot since last season. We are young and will continue to get better. It would have been great to win the game, but its over. You can't change it. Even the Bulls in the 90's had to lose some games, so come on, it'll be all ok.

Take a deep breath.

Are you feeling better?

Do you understand that this is just entertainment?
OK, Good, we just don't want to lose you....
Now enjoy tonight's game.

The Amount of Time It Took You to Read This Title...

...was greater than the amount of time Dwight Howard spent in the lane last night during a crucial play near the end of the Magic's loss to the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Howard was whistled for a three-second violation that negated the Magic’s possession and gave the ball back to Cleveland with 30 seconds left and a two point lead.

Magic Coach Stan Van Gundy was beside himself in reaction to the call. Three-second violations are not uncommon, in general, but they are rarely called late in a close game.

“You won't see that call again. That, I guarantee you," Van Gundy said. "You will not see, with the game on the line, a 3-second call in the last 10 seconds. That's part of the reason they're 30-1 at home. They're a very good team, and when you get calls like that [expletive], you're in pretty good shape."

What made it worse is the fact that Howard was on his way out of the lane when the ref blew the whistle. So, Howard was policing himself, going by the rules, and exited the lane in the time allotted. But the ref jumped the whistle. Howard implied that their may have been some home cooking involved.

"I was very surprised," Howard said. "I was in the lane and I got out. It seemed like their bench or their coaching staff got into the ref's ear about me being in the lane. Instead of letting the refs make the call, I guess the bench made the call."

I had the game recorded on my DVR and reviewed that play over and over with my stop watch from the moment that Howard entered the lane until the moment that I could hear referee Jack Nies blow his whistle. By my measurement, the whistle was blown well before 3 seconds, in fact, it was barely past two seconds. This makes me think that the ref had been watching Howard the whole game and maybe after enough complaining from the Cavs bench, he made a conscious decision to blow his whistle right then.

The problem I have with this goes beyond the idea of “make up” calls or even placing an emphasis on when during the course of a game it is acceptable to make or not make certain calls. The idea that rules already being enforced by subjective individuals are themselves subjective is extremely consternating. But in this case, the problem is that the call was incorrect! Howard was not in the lane for three seconds. Had he clearly been in the lane for over three seconds and the ref blew the whistle, we would still be talking about the call not being appropriate at that time. But at least we would have to admit that it was the right call. But this isn’t the case. Howard was not in the lane for three seconds…not even close.

I won’t go so far as to say that this call cost us the game. Most folks in the Magic blogosphere prefer to place the focus on Rashard Lewis and his recent slump. I agree that this is a bigger issue than one call. However, it is clear to me that when two elite teams are this evenly matched, it only takes one bad call to make a difference in which team wins and which team loses.

You're In Timeout Mr. Lee

Has Courtney Lee been put in timeout by Coach Van Gundy? In the past 3 games since exploding in the 4th quarter to help the Magic beat the Sixers, he has taken a combined 11 shots, which is 7 less then what he took in that Sixers game alone! Has SVG told Lee to cut back on trying to score and focus more on the defensive end? He is still the current starter at SG, and is averaging the same amount of minutes. We all know that he struggled mightily in the beginning of the Sixers game, but then went on a scoring tear in which could be arguably his best offensive game as a pro, despite his poor shooting percentage. So what gives?

The team does not struggle offensively without Courtney scoring, however, it doesn't hurt when the rookie gets hot. In games when Lee scores 10 or more, the Magic are a whopping 17-1. You can't argue with those results. While Mickael Pietrus has come back from injury...again, his time on the court has still been sporadic and short. Averaging roughly 20 mpg in the last 3, he has taken 21 shots, 10 more the Courtney.

Tonight the Magic play the Pistons, which Courtney will be given the duty to defend one of the leagues best scorers, Richard Hamilton's face mask. He will have his hands full tonight, but he could be called upon to score more with our main core of scorers constantly given fits by the Pistons defense. Let's just hope SVG gives him the OK, and the recent trend of not shooting the ball hasn't hurt the rookies offensive confidence.

SHAQ ATTAQ

First, a little bit of background for those who have had their heads in the sand for the last few days.

Here is the ESPN article on the feud, and here is the Orlando Sentinel piece.

• Gibberish is defined as unintelligible or nonsensical talk or writing. With that in mind we here at the PUNS would like to react to the latest SHAQ ATTAQ.
  

Maxwell Effort:

Well yesterday I called him the Big Floptus and that name fits again because these comments flopped just like his big body. Its a sad portrayal of his character to see him lash out like this. He is getting up there in years and could not take the fact that somebody else is coming along would COULD quite possibly be as good. He tries to downplay everything Dwight does saying he invented it. Gosh I did not know Shaq invented the dunk or even participated in the dunk contest. Heck if DWade does not get hurt in 2005 they beat the Pistons in my opinion and its not like Shaq exactly carried or willed his team to victory. He is so quick to take all the glory but yet when things do not go his way pass off all the blame. In the 2006 NBA Finals the refs and Wade carried him and I would say Zo played better than he did providing a great deal of defense and grit. Yet Shaq is there with his huge smile acting like he did the heavy lifting. Now Shaq has been a truly dominant and amazing player to watch but I would argue he is not even the best big man of this era because that would be Tim Duncan.

El Fantasma:

Grumpy Shaq..this is what ESPN called Shaq last night while talking about his idiotic and childish "war" against Stan Van Gundy, Dwight Howard and really, anything or anyone he feels like talking about. I believe they wanted to say Grumpy OLD man, but they where afraid of the fury coming back from the Big Shaqflop. I read in some articles and forums that the guy is just trying to save his legacy, and finish his career on a high note, be relevant. I say, What legacy? This latest run only cements his legacy of a cry baby, a quitter and a sorry sad man. Everywhere he's been, Orlando, Los Angeles, Miami, he's left talking trash about the team and the people that supported him. He just can't shut up. It makes him look like an idiot. Sure he has 4 rings, but all of those accomplishments are in risk of being forgotten because of his classless rants. His legacy is right now, is being a silly old man, trying to hold on to whatever memory of youth and relevance he might have left. I think ESPN finally got something right, well at least half right. Shaq is just a Grumpy (old) man.

Jackie Moon:

The thing that comes to my mind over and over reading Shaq's comments is "the truth hurts". Shaq did not be called out for flopping because it has annoyed him for nearly two decades now that players that can't guard him flop or foul him. So when Dwight started making his free throws down the stretch (something Shaq has never done in his career), he resorted to the only defense left and flopped. Shaq is a big baby who would have no rings if not for Kobe or Wade. Patrick Ewing who Shaq took a shot at for no reason at all, would have won more rings than that if he had a wing player of their calibre on his team instead of John Starks.

OCTB:

Another prima donna who thinks his talent in one area gives him free reign to do or say whatever he pleases about those around him.I mean, hell, I'm a fantastic napper! Maybe the best in the whole world! But you don't see me acting like I own the joint, taking peoples milkshakes outta their hands, or calling people out for staying up all day!

Nickel Steak:

Someone needs to explain to me what the meaning of "frontrunner" is as per the Shaqtionary.

Terry and The Pump Fakes:

So much for bowing out gracefully, Shaq seems to feel the need to repeat his resume any chance he gets even if it means taking shots at a kid who looks up to him in Dwight. The thing is, that is all in the past. His time is over and he can't handle it. Did he not get enough attention over the past 16yrs? Apparently not, so now he takes shots at the people that command attention now.

I couldn't believe my eyes at the game Tuesday when I saw him flop. A 300+lb man acting like getting bumped by someone who gives up 50lbs to was enough to knock him down. In my opinion flopping is the most heinous action a player can take while trying to play defense. Not only should it be punishable by death, the offending player should burn in Hell for it. There is nothing more cowardly. Shaq (understandably so) complained for years that the only way other players could defend him was to flop. That if the refs didn't allow flopping he would have better games/been more effective/not fouled out. So what does "The Big Hypocrite" do when he is called out for doing the very thing he spoke out about? He has the audacity to try and defend his actions- "Yeah I flopped but flopping is falling and crying and complaining to the ref." "It was a flop but flopping is wrong." It was a flop but flopping is wrong?? So as long as you only do it to players you can't hope to defend and not to every player in the league it's ok?? As long as you don't complain about not getting the call it's ok?? So I guess Vlade and every other center that played against you were really ok right? Well if there is no problem with it I guess you shouldn't have to take shots at your old coach (the 3rd old coach he has taken shots at for those of you counting) for standing up for the guy that didn't fall down even though he was giving up 50lbs and you were using your off hand to shove him out of the lane, right? You shouldn't have to take shots at someone that wasn't even involved in the whole thing by saying that Dwight's moves are the old stale Ewing moves(stale HOF moves).

Shaq will go down in history as one of the best but the gap for me between him and Russell, Hakeem, and Kareem is Grand Canyon wide. Those guys competed every minute, they fought, they worked hard in the offseason. When was the last time Shaq showed up for training camp in shape? What we are seeing now is the real Shaq, a pathetic shell of a person who is nothing without the attention that others heap upon him. The worlds smallest 7ft 300lb man.

Paul Ego:

The Big Shaquego. Open mouth, insert foot. The Shaquego has a HUGE problem with criticism, so much so, that he seems to have a few blank spots in his own memory banks. Calling Stan's coaching career a flop? I think the Big Shaqflopopolis (remember this nickname later kids) needs to open up Webster's and look up flop for old times sake. I have a few different version here in my office (what can I say, I'm a collector), one has a picture of Steel, another had a picture of Kazaam, and the third said something about a rumored rap career? Talk about a flop.I used to think it would be a good move to get a year or two out of Shaq on the bench in Orlando, playing mentor to Dwight, and picking up 15 minutes a game. Now I see that his ego would not let that happen. Personally, I'd rather have Rasheed Wallace here playing that role.In his twilight years, if the Big Shaqflopopolis wants to stay the "center" of attention, play fewer games, not worry about back to backs, and be the focal point of his team, maybe he should move to Greece. He should get enough attention there to feed the big Shaquego plenty.

The Big Train

The key thing in this entire situation is Dwight Howard. It was pretty obvious that he was a bit put off by all the jabs that Shaq has been taking the last few days, and he wasn't really sure how to respond to it. He ended up staying quiet, noting that he respects his elders. Regardless, you could tell he wasn't too happy. Insert Stan as he provides yet another reason why everyone here in Orlando is so happy to have him as our coach. He defended the hell out of his player, and took the heat off of Dwight and placed it square on his shoulders.

Jareth Cutestory

Rather then try to analyze and comprehend what Shaq was saying, or get mad about it like I did when I first read it, I'm simply going to applaud our coach for defending Dwight Howard the best way he knew how. While Stan commented on something we all saw, Shaq decided to take another route, and degrade our beloved coach, his staff, and his players. What did Stan do? He replied that he was honored. And why did he not respond back with a verbal onslaught like Shaq did? Because he knew he had accomplished what he wanted to do. He subtly got under Shaq's skin with a 20 second blip about his flop, and Shaq took the bait hook, line, and sinker. While Shaq made a fool of himself, Van Gundy successfully defended his player, and took Shaq's ego down a few notches while he was at it.

Shaq v. D12: The Morning After

In one of the more entertaining games of the year, the Orlando Magic defeated Shaq and the Phoenix Suns last night, 111-99.

There were some great post game quotes.

"This dude is huge. I just realized that I've got to go home and eat like five chickens to put a lot of weight on." - Marcin Gortat

"I was shocked, seriously, shocked," Magic coach Stan Van Gundy said of O'Neal's flopping. "And very disappointed cause he knows what it's like. Lets stand up and play like men, and I think our guy did that tonight."

Rashard Lewis led the Magic with 29 points and 12 rebounds, while Dwight fended off foul trouble to score 21 points and pull in 9 rebounds. TPASTBM favorite Marcin Gortat filled in for Dwight after picking up his 2, 3, and 4th fouls beautifully, contributing 8 points and 8 rebounds. For the Suns, Jason Richardson scored a team high 27, while Shaq had 19 points and 11 rebounds.

• Check out the box score.
• The Orlando Sentinel's Mike Bianchi doesn't want Shaq and Dwight to be buddy buddy after these games.
• Kyle Hightower asks, "Did Magic Fans forget about Grant Hill?"
• Yankees pitchers Joba Chamberlain, CC Sabathia and Chien-Ming Wang were in attendance.
• The Orlando Sentinel's take on the game.
• John Denton over at Florida Today has his.
• The Arizona Republic writes that one Superman leads in scoreboard seniority.
  

Remember this?

Do you all remember this little image that appeared what seems to feel like 10 years ago on the official Magic web page? I sure didn't, until I was going over my files on my computer. I was just looking around at all those old files and ran across this one. "Oh yeaaaaaaaah, I remember we signed this guy for like a minute!" I proclaimed.

I never agreed with this signing, I mean we've all seen what most college coaches accomplish in the NBA. At least lately. Not really being a college ball fan, I barely saw a few games from this guy, and sure, they won two titles in a row, best team and thus, best coach in college, maybe. They play right here in Florida, so it apparently made sense to the team.

I guess. I never bought that Otis Smith wanted to sign this guy. I always thought it was more a PR move, to get more fans in the building and some excitement to Orlando. Even if it meant not being competitive for a few years. Man was I glad he changed his mind...and how lucky the team was that Stan Van Gundy really wanted to stay in Florida and had not signed that contract with Sacramento.

Can you imagine this team being as successful without Stan?

Me either. Stan has proven yet again, that he is one of the best coaches in this league. He might not have the experience of Pat Riley(blah), Jerry Sloan, Phil Jackson, Don Nelson, and others, but I consider him just as good a coach. I truly believe Stan can be a hall of fame coach by the end of his career, and that what we are seeing is just the start. I can already see him in Orlando for many many many years. There's already talk of an extension. I hope we sign him for 100 years.

The guy can bring the best out of his players. Orlando at one point had lost 3 starters. Still won. We lost Pietrus for weeks. Still won. Lost our all-star point guard for the season. Still won....I mean they did struggle badly, but playing .500 ball while losing a star is not that bad...He is making Courtney Lee play at a high level. Have you seen Lee on the court on defense? he must deflect 20 passes a night. He has even made JJ Redick a decent backup SG. Who would have thought?

Now Otis pulls a brilliant trade, where the team lost...uhmmmm...nothing, and received a starting PG that is meshing extremely well with the team. I for one didn't think this was possible this year. I didn't think we would get a starting PG. Otis did.

But it is Stan who will bring the best out of Rafer Alston, yet again, and keep us playing on a high level and as title contenders.

Doesn't this make you all tingly inside? The feeling we had as Orlando Tragic (typo but I'm keeping it) fans for many many many years is gone. I for one feel we can win every night. Unlike past seasons where the feeling was pretty damn scary.

So here's to you Stan Van Gundy. You might be too short and fat to play basketball. You might look like porn star Ron Jeremy. You might wear turtle necks and suit jackets that are way to short for you. You might not believe in styling your hair. You might have a beautiful pornstache, but goddammit are you a great basketball mind!!!

Thank You Coach.

Keep this train going.

P.S........Remember this......

5 scandals that will happen before this season ends.

2009 started with a bang. Chris Brown beat down Rihanna. A-Roid was outed for steroid use and admitted to it. Charles Barkley was caught with his pants down, well almost (I missed you Chuck at the All-Star game). J-Rich was charged with suspicion of drunk driving. So here at TPASTBM we have decided to compile a list of the top 5 scandals that we will likely see before this NBA season ends.

1. Stan Van Gundy finally reveals that he and Ron Jeremy are in fact one and the same. Yes, we've all thought about it. In fact this is the reason he had to step down from being the Heat's coach. Pat Riley was going to out him, and he feared people wouldn't like him anymore. We have all talked about it, we knew this already, it wasn't a big secret. The media in the other hand tried ignore and hide it. I guess some people still think porn is not cool. To those people I say, YOU ARE WRONG!!


2. Sam Cassel confesses he had a short movie career when he was younger. Well, he didn't confess to anything, he just never denied it. After further investigation it was revealed that he is in fact a little orphan alien that has been trying to phone home ever since he got into the league. Apparently he believes that NBA ref's are actually robots sent by his home planet to rule the NBA and the World. All of that complaining is really just communicating with mom and dad.

3. After finding an original birth certificate Sports Illustrated will out Lebron James actually being 50 years old. Lebron will confess to his fraud and later on lead the a team of explorer to the legendary Fountain of Youth that Ponce de Leon was looking for many years ago. Ponce de Leon was just a little off as it is found in Houston, Texas behind Dikembe Mutombo's house. Mutumbo later reveals that he is actually 200 years old. This enrages Greg Oden as he thought it was supposed to stay a secret which is why he had not had his treatment for a few months making him reverse to the old man he is. I mean is this kid really 20?


4. Puns will be banned from sports writing. That is all. No more Wizards' sorcery is not enough to beat Magic. No more Rockets explode for 180 points, not even the Lakers can stop the fire. No more Blazers are on fire this week.

5. David Stern will finally have ear reduction surgery. After many many years of being confused with Yoda, Stern opted to have plastic surgery on his big Dumbo ears. Not only is it tough to be a short man and the commissioner of the only major sport where you are required to be a freakishly tall man or woman, he felt his ears held him back from a modeling career when he was younger. This is why he implemented that synthetic plastic ball a few years back, as his own personal revenge against everyone that made fun of his stature and ears. He was quoted as saying "You made fun of my shortness and my circus freak ears, I'll give you a basketball that will cut your fingers. hahahahahahaha". Yes the evil laugh is part of the quote.

And there you have it folks. These 5 things will happen before the season ends. We have insiders everywhere, we played professional sports at some point, we have friends in high places, we are never wrong and it is now posted on the internet..so it must be all true.

Fun and failure both start out the same way

Warning: This is one of those "the sky is falling" posts.

Hedo fumbled around with the ball from about 27 feet out, dribbled a few to his right and threw up a prayer over Travis Outlaw. It banked in. The Magic pulled one out from nowhere and improved to 17-5 on the year. Things were going good. They kept winning. Several weeks later Orlando was beating up on Atlanta by 38... And it was only halftime. They swept San Antonio and the Lakers. All over the internet Magic fans were demanding respect from ESPN, arguing that aside from the puns Orlando was playing forth fiddle to LA, Boston, and Cleveland, despite having the best record in the whole, wide National Basketball Association.

Everyone's favorite columnist at the Orlando Sentinel was jumping on the bandwagon, his shinny bald head visible from row T of the upper bowl at home games. Perhaps it was because Tim Tebow can only be talked about so much, but even Mike Bianchi was saying that this team must be watched. Boston came to Orlando on a Thursday and beat the Magic, but there was still plenty of rejoicing around town. After all, we really had a chance! That was just one game.

The All-Star rosters were released. Dwight was already in, but Jameer and Rashard were going to be joining D12 in Phoenix. Orlando was the only franchise with 3 players on the team. Cleveland's Mo Williams was disappointed, and it didn't get much better because the same night Orlando beat Lebron and Mo and the Cavs by 11.

A few days later, Jameer dribbles at the top of the key, looking for an opening. He takes a few to his right and spins through two Toronto defenders; a slick highlight move on the way to an easy layup. The win in Toronto seemed like another day at the office.




Then Jameer got hurt and things changed. The mood at Amway was somber as everyone knew the chances of winning it all died at that exact moment. But it wasn't necessarily because Jameer got hurt that it wasn't going to happen anymore. Ya see, us Magic fans fooled ourselves into believing we could do it at all. But when you think about it, it was never going to happen. Here are some of the reasons why:

1. The Big Train likes the Magic. The list could stop here, but I'll continue.
2. A team that relies so much on the 3 point shot won't be able to continue it during the playoffs when the game slows down.
3. God revels in our disappointment.
4. Many of the tools over at ESPN (Yeah, I'm talking about you Stephen A., Jamal Mashburn, and Jalen Rose) actually said the Magic were a legitimate contender.
   
5. Dwight Howard, Jameer Nelson, and Rashard Lewis were on the All-Star team.
   
6. Brian Cook still plays for the Magic.
   
7. The Magic still had to get by potentially both the Cavs and Celtics, not to mention whoever would be waiting for them from the other side. Face it, the odds were still not too high.
8. Our best player, Mr. Dwight Howard, is still the youngest player on the team.
9. Tiger Woods would more than likely show up for some playoff games.
   

Of course there were reasons why the Magic could have won it all too. They have the best big man in the game. SVG is one of the best coaches in the NBA. Although they relied heavily on the 3 pointer the Magic are still one of the best defensive teams in the league. But why look at the positives right now when it is much easier to be depressed?

There is still a lot more basketball to be played this year, and crazier things have happened, so there's still a chance... Until the basketball gods remember that The Big Train is a Magic fan.


Thanks to Lifes Padawan and the pure genius of Arrested Development for the Fun and Failure poster. Also, Michael Cera better sign on for the AD movie. We all want to see it more than he will... Never know.

5 things Stan Van Gundy won't be doing during the All-Star Break

After a painful loss to the Denver Nuggets, SVG will have 6 days off before the next game against the Charlotte Bobcats. While players Dwight Howard and Rashard Lewis will be participating in the All-Star game and events, what will SVG be doing with his free time? Hopefully relaxing and taking his blood pressure medicine. Here are 5 things we know he definitely won't be doing.

5. Thinking about Brian Cook, and what type of role he may play in the team's 2nd half plan.

4. Making charm bracelets that read "BFF's 4 evah" for the entire team, and wrapping them in little gold boxes with smiley stickers on them.

3. Sending an email to Hedo Turkoglu telling him to shoot more.

2. Going fishing with Pat Riley.

1. Being inspired by Dwight Howard's recent style piece in ESPN the magazine, deciding to go out and buy a tie.

Whatever the coach may be doing with his free time, we here at TPASTBM hope he comes back refreshed, rejuvenated, and restached. Rest well SVG.

Credit ESPN.com for the photo

Courtney Lee Has No Fear

The OCTB is a popular cat, as you all know, and so I’m always a welcome site in the Magic locker room, especially after a win. So let me tell you about a locker room visit I made after the big win over the LeBron Crabaliers last Thursday.

In his post-game press conference, Stan Van Gundy (aka BCE – Best Coach EVER) talked about how the plan was to have Hedo Turkoglu guard LeBron (yo! BCE! What’s up with THAT!). But the offensive scheme the Cavs were running forced a switch and rookie Courtney Lee was on LeBron. Turns out, Lee wanted the assignment so much, he asked BCE if he could keep it the rest of the game! I was so impressed to hear this that I just had to get it from the rookie himself.

So after quickly recounting what BCE had said about him, I asked Lee to comment on it. To paraphrase, he said “Man, I’m just having fun out there. It’s exciting! I’m playing against all of these all-stars each game, even in practice (a nod to the THREE all-stars on his own team!) and its just fun to play against the best in the world.”

What I didn’t hear Lee say was that he was scared. He didn’t say that he wasn’t up to the challenge. He didn’t say that he was nervous in the least. Now, while I’m sure that all NBA players get nervous now and then, especially in big games, I wouldn’t begrudge a rookie a whole, uh, basket of nerves. But on this night, going up against the game’s most dynamic player for the first time, Lee not only held his own on defense (as good as you can do against the Crab-man) but took it strong on offense. The highlight for me was his hard drive to the rim with LeBron right on him. Lee took it straight to the top and finished it.

Lee is still a rookie for sure (last night in a loss to the Mavs he was only 2 for 8), but he doesn’t lack confidence, doesn’t hesitate, and he doesn’t show fear. Those three qualities by themselves are the reason the Magic have finally broken the string of wasted 1st round picks.

Credit for the photo: AP Photo by John Raoux