Thursday, March 5, 2009


First, a little bit of background for those who have had their heads in the sand for the last few days.

Here is the ESPN article on the feud, and here is the Orlando Sentinel piece.

  • Gibberish is defined as unintelligible or nonsensical talk or writing. With that in mind we here at the PUNS would like to react to the latest SHAQ ATTAQ.

Maxwell Effort:

Well yesterday I called him the Big Floptus and that name fits again because these comments flopped just like his big body. Its a sad portrayal of his character to see him lash out like this. He is getting up there in years and could not take the fact that somebody else is coming along would COULD quite possibly be as good. He tries to downplay everything Dwight does saying he invented it. Gosh I did not know Shaq invented the dunk or even participated in the dunk contest. Heck if DWade does not get hurt in 2005 they beat the Pistons in my opinion and its not like Shaq exactly carried or willed his team to victory. He is so quick to take all the glory but yet when things do not go his way pass off all the blame. In the 2006 NBA Finals the refs and Wade carried him and I would say Zo played better than he did providing a great deal of defense and grit. Yet Shaq is there with his huge smile acting like he did the heavy lifting. Now Shaq has been a truly dominant and amazing player to watch but I would argue he is not even the best big man of this era because that would be Tim Duncan.

El Fantasma:

Grumpy Shaq..this is what ESPN called Shaq last night while talking about his idiotic and childish "war" against Stan Van Gundy, Dwight Howard and really, anything or anyone he feels like talking about. I believe they wanted to say Grumpy OLD man, but they where afraid of the fury coming back from the Big Shaqflop. I read in some articles and forums that the guy is just trying to save his legacy, and finish his career on a high note, be relevant. I say, What legacy? This latest run only cements his legacy of a cry baby, a quitter and a sorry sad man. Everywhere he's been, Orlando, Los Angeles, Miami, he's left talking trash about the team and the people that supported him. He just can't shut up. It makes him look like an idiot. Sure he has 4 rings, but all of those accomplishments are in risk of being forgotten because of his classless rants. His legacy is right now, is being a silly old man, trying to hold on to whatever memory of youth and relevance he might have left. I think ESPN finally got something right, well at least half right. Shaq is just a Grumpy (old) man.

Jackie Moon:

The thing that comes to my mind over and over reading Shaq's comments is "the truth hurts". Shaq did not be called out for flopping because it has annoyed him for nearly two decades now that players that can't guard him flop or foul him. So when Dwight started making his free throws down the stretch (something Shaq has never done in his career), he resorted to the only defense left and flopped. Shaq is a big baby who would have no rings if not for Kobe or Wade. Patrick Ewing who Shaq took a shot at for no reason at all, would have won more rings than that if he had a wing player of their calibre on his team instead of John Starks.


Another prima donna who thinks his talent in one area gives him free reign to do or say whatever he pleases about those around him.I mean, hell, I'm a fantastic napper! Maybe the best in the whole world! But you don't see me acting like I own the joint, taking peoples milkshakes outta their hands, or calling people out for staying up all day!

Nickel Steak:

Someone needs to explain to me what the meaning of "frontrunner" is as per the Shaqtionary.

Terry and The Pump Fakes:

So much for bowing out gracefully, Shaq seems to feel the need to repeat his resume any chance he gets even if it means taking shots at a kid who looks up to him in Dwight. The thing is, that is all in the past. His time is over and he can't handle it. Did he not get enough attention over the past 16yrs? Apparently not, so now he takes shots at the people that command attention now.

I couldn't believe my eyes at the game Tuesday when I saw him flop. A 300+lb man acting like getting bumped by someone who gives up 50lbs to was enough to knock him down. In my opinion flopping is the most heinous action a player can take while trying to play defense. Not only should it be punishable by death, the offending player should burn in Hell for it. There is nothing more cowardly. Shaq (understandably so) complained for years that the only way other players could defend him was to flop. That if the refs didn't allow flopping he would have better games/been more effective/not fouled out. So what does "The Big Hypocrite" do when he is called out for doing the very thing he spoke out about? He has the audacity to try and defend his actions- "Yeah I flopped but flopping is falling and crying and complaining to the ref." "It was a flop but flopping is wrong." It was a flop but flopping is wrong?? So as long as you only do it to players you can't hope to defend and not to every player in the league it's ok?? As long as you don't complain about not getting the call it's ok?? So I guess Vlade and every other center that played against you were really ok right? Well if there is no problem with it I guess you shouldn't have to take shots at your old coach (the 3rd old coach he has taken shots at for those of you counting) for standing up for the guy that didn't fall down even though he was giving up 50lbs and you were using your off hand to shove him out of the lane, right? You shouldn't have to take shots at someone that wasn't even involved in the whole thing by saying that Dwight's moves are the old stale Ewing moves(stale HOF moves).

Shaq will go down in history as one of the best but the gap for me between him and Russell, Hakeem, and Kareem is Grand Canyon wide. Those guys competed every minute, they fought, they worked hard in the offseason. When was the last time Shaq showed up for training camp in shape? What we are seeing now is the real Shaq, a pathetic shell of a person who is nothing without the attention that others heap upon him. The worlds smallest 7ft 300lb man.

Paul Ego:

The Big Shaquego. Open mouth, insert foot. The Shaquego has a HUGE problem with criticism, so much so, that he seems to have a few blank spots in his own memory banks. Calling Stan's coaching career a flop? I think the Big Shaqflopopolis (remember this nickname later kids) needs to open up Webster's and look up flop for old times sake. I have a few different version here in my office (what can I say, I'm a collector), one has a picture of Steel, another had a picture of Kazaam, and the third said something about a rumored rap career? Talk about a flop.I used to think it would be a good move to get a year or two out of Shaq on the bench in Orlando, playing mentor to Dwight, and picking up 15 minutes a game. Now I see that his ego would not let that happen. Personally, I'd rather have Rasheed Wallace here playing that role.In his twilight years, if the Big Shaqflopopolis wants to stay the "center" of attention, play fewer games, not worry about back to backs, and be the focal point of his team, maybe he should move to Greece. He should get enough attention there to feed the big Shaquego plenty.

The Big Train

The key thing in this entire situation is Dwight Howard. It was pretty obvious that he was a bit put off by all the jabs that Shaq has been taking the last few days, and he wasn't really sure how to respond to it. He ended up staying quiet, noting that he respects his elders. Regardless, you could tell he wasn't too happy. Insert Stan as he provides yet another reason why everyone here in Orlando is so happy to have him as our coach. He defended the hell out of his player, and took the heat off of Dwight and placed it square on his shoulders.

Jareth Cutestory

Rather then try to analyze and comprehend what Shaq was saying, or get mad about it like I did when I first read it, I'm simply going to applaud our coach for defending Dwight Howard the best way he knew how. While Stan commented on something we all saw, Shaq decided to take another route, and degrade our beloved coach, his staff, and his players. What did Stan do? He replied that he was honored. And why did he not respond back with a verbal onslaught like Shaq did? Because he knew he had accomplished what he wanted to do. He subtly got under Shaq's skin with a 20 second blip about his flop, and Shaq took the bait hook, line, and sinker. While Shaq made a fool of himself, Van Gundy successfully defended his player, and took Shaq's ego down a few notches while he was at it.

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