Wednesday, April 8, 2009

You are what's wrong with the world

Going to a Magic game is a fun thing to do. Instead of sharing the thrill of a game winning shot with your cat Fluffy, you get to share the experience with thousands of fellow Magic fans. Also, there is usually plenty of ladies around, which is always a good thing considering the same can't be said for your apartment. Still, it's not all good.

Every game I attend I am sure to run into a handful of people who require me to close my eyes and take a deep breath. They are, undoubtedly, what is wrong with the world.
  • You are sitting in front of me, which isn't that big of a deal. I'll accept you standing up to cheer throughout the game because a) it shows that you are really into the Magic, and b) it gives me an excuse to stand up and cheer too. However, you don't stand up and cheer during a pivotal moment of the game. No, the only time you get up to make noise the entire game is when you want a silly, stupid, meaningless t-shirt. You would think this person is devoid of clothing and shelter and this was really a big deal. No, they just want something because it's free.
  • There is five minutes left in the 4th quarter and the Magic are up 8. You get up and leave. You "want to beat the traffic." Good, go home.
  • We are halfway through the 2nd quarter. You walk up to my row and look down at the row letter, then you gaze back at your ticket, then back at the row letter, then back at the ticket. You are clueless. Now, I don't mind getting up and letting people in and out of the row. My problem here is that you have missed a quarter and a half of basketball.
  • You cheer louder for JJ Redick than you do for any other player.
  • You bring your children to a game. It's a great thing. I remember going to Magic games when I was a youngster and they were amazing. Kudos to you, mom and dad. However, you don't control your children. Those thunder sticks your 7 year old boy is using? Yeah, those. They are constantly hitting the head of the guy in front of you. And at what point does your little girl's screaming like she just saw Justin Timberlake become too much for you to put up with?
  • The MVP chant. Serenity now. Where did this fad start? Dwight Howard is at the line in the 4th quarter of a close game. As I hope you know, he struggles with his free throws. Here, let's throw him another distraction by chanting "MVP," like it will actually change the mind of those who vote for the meaningless award. You watch too much SportsCenter.
  • You drink Bud Light. Yuck.
  • You might be wearing your Dwight Howard jersey to the game, but at home you have a Lebron James, Dwayne Wade, and Kobe Bryant jersey. Let me guess, you probably have matching shoes for each one too. I'd bet you like Stuart Scott.
  • It's the national anthem. The lady is doing a decent job, even though she thinks she is Christina Aguilera. For some reason, you decide to yell out a rather silly cheer right after she says "O'er the land of the freeeeee." Why not just wait until she finishes?
Alright, I have to go. There are some kids on my lawn.


  1. Agreed on all of these!
    I can understanding leaving early to a certain extent, like if you live an hour outside Orlando and the team's up 20 with 4 minutes left, as I've done a few times. But that would be the only excuse, and if the game is under 15, no way!

    And MVP! That pisses me off SOOOOOO much! STFU and let the man shoot!

    haha now on the jersey's, I do have a Lebron and a Wade (although Wade's isn't worn as it's autographed) and numerous other players from various teams, too. But I definitely have more Magic jerseys over the years than I have jerseys of all other teams in the league combined.

  2. I'm extremely upset by this post. There is no mention of how appalling it is when a supposed Magic fan purchases one of those putrid, sewage smelling "O-Rena Hot Dogs" instead of me. I mean, just one of those things can stink up an entire section! The rest of the O-Rena fare don't even speak to the OHD. The Subway Sub goes out of her way to avoid them and my boy FOTS spits at the mere mention of his name.

  3. I like when people yell after "land of the free" in the National Anthem, especially after they hit the high note perfect.

    Don't you have an early bird special to catch?


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